


The Secret Language of Flowers

by London9Calling, luminfics



Series: Round 2017 [11]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, luminfics round 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-11-09 11:36:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11103768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/London9Calling/pseuds/London9Calling, https://archiveofourown.org/users/luminfics/pseuds/luminfics
Summary: Minseok has zero knowledge of flowers, but that’s okay, Luhan has a book for that. A hanahaki!au.





	The Secret Language of Flowers

**Author's Note:**

> Username: anonymous until reveals  
> Prompt Number: 89  
> Title: The Secret Language of Flowers  
> Rating: PG-13  
> Word Count: 20k  
> Warnings: Mentions of death and dying, mentions of disease, language, sexual situations.  
> Summary: Minseok has zero knowledge of flowers, but that’s okay, Luhan has a book for that. A hanahaki!au.  
> Author's Notes: A huge thanks to my beta, you rock! A shout out to the mods for running this fest and sharing the Xiuhan love (the world always needs more - xiuhan 4 lyfe). OP I hope you like what I made of your fascinating prompt. I always wanted to try writing Hanahaki disease and your prompt was the perfect inspiration, so thank you. Also sorry for the cavities (this is so sappy omg haha).

Minseok couldn’t tell a geranium from a tulip and that was perfectly fine with him. It was a perfectly acceptable state of being. What high schooler needed to know that black eyed susans weren’t daisies or vice versa? The consensus among society is that students should be studying to get into college, not pointing out sunflowers and correcting people on which species of orchid they were admiring.  
  
Zero knowledge of flowers wasn’t a problem – but that wasn’t to say Minseok didn’t have floral issues. The flower petals resting in the palm of his hand in the back of the library was definitely an issue. The identity of said petals was only a split-second consideration before complete and utter fear set in.  
  
His throat was burning, his mouth felt like someone had cleaned it out with sandpaper. And in his hand, was what he had produced when he felt a sharp pain in his chest. He had coughed once, a hacking deep cough, and out came…flower petals, tumbling from his lips and onto his outstretched hand.  
  
“Impossible,” he whispered. People didn't cough up flowers. Students didn’t cough up flower petals while shelving books in the back of the high school library in a successful bid to escape gym class.  
  
He mentally tallied what he had eaten for breakfast, for lunch. Was McDonald's making their chicken nuggets out of more than pink slime nowadays?! Perhaps he was hallucinating. Perhaps that sip he took of Baekhyun’s soda was his downfall – Baekhyun had been known to experiment with things. Or was it some kind of fume he inhaled while walking near shop class?!  
  
“Minseok,” the head librarian, an elderly woman who babied him incessantly, called his name from the end of the aisle. “It’s time for your next class.”  
  
Minseok closed his hand over the petals. “Thanks.”  
  
He hurried out of the library a few seconds later, the flower petals shoved into his front pocket.

***

  
  
Jongdae wouldn't stop looking at him. His eyes were narrowed, his chin resting on his hand. He was leaning forward, his gaze boring a hole into Minseok’s face from across the table. “Something happened.”  
  
“Nothing happened!” Minseok squeaked.  
  
Jongdae tsked. “No, something did happen. I’ve known you since we were babies, I can read you like a book.” Jongdae wasn’t going to stop until Minseok told him what was bothering him.  
  
“If you can read him as well as you read your chem textbook than I’m pretty sure his secret is safe.” Baekhyun winked at Minseok before sliding next to him in the booth.  
  
Minseok jostled to make room, careful not to spill his cup of coffee in the process. It was a familiar ritual, stopping by the corner coffee shop on their way home from school. They did it as many days as they could, on the days they didn’t have to drag their feet to after school activities and evening study groups.  
  
“I have better grade in chem than you do!” Jongdae protested, his words lilting into the familiar whine. They had been friends since they were babies in daycare – all three the product of working parents who read the rave reviews for Stepping Stones Child Care. Day care melded into elementary school together, then middle school, then high school. Minseok couldn’t recall a time he wasn’t sandwiched between Baekhyun and Jongdae to be honest.  
  
Which was a double-edged sword. He had great best friends – great best friends who could tell just by looking at him that he was bothered by something. Like hacking up freaking flower petals in the back of the library. Honestly he still wasn’t convinced he hadn’t accidentally ingested some drug and was hallucinating the whole thing.  
  
“So what happened?” Baekhyun picked up the prodding he had teased Jongdae about, asking as he stuffed half a blueberry scone in his mouth.  
  
“Can you please chew with your mouth closed?” Jongdae gave him a dirty look.  
  
“No,” Baekhyun answered, wayward pieces of scone falling onto the table.  
  
Jongdae scowled at Baekhyun, but refused to be distracted from his interrogation of Minseok. “Seriously you look pale. Did you see a ghost? Minseok, did you get your period?”  
  
Minseok needed something to distract his friends. The bells on the café door clanked against the hard glass, signaling a new customer. Minseok had his back to the door so he couldn’t see who it was, but he hoped it was someone who might take his friend’s minds off questioning him.  
  
Every now and then, it seemed, Minseok got lucky.  
  
“Hey losers, what’s shakin’?”  
  
Luck came in the freakishly tall form of Park Chanyeol, also known as the peripheral best friend – who hadn’t known them as long, didn’t hang out with them as often, but melded so well into the friend triangle when he was present it became a friend square.  
  
Chanyeol didn’t hesitate to slip into the booth next to Jongdae, taking off his snapback and tossing it on the table.  
  
“We were just trying to get Minseok to tell us what happened,” Baekhyun informed him.  
  
“What happened with what?” Chanyeol looked at Minseok.  
  
“Heard Minah slapped you in tenth period.” Minseok looked back, blinking innocently. The great thing about Chanyeol was he was perpetually distracted and extremely easy to influence if you knew how to do it – and Minseok knew exactly how to do it.  
  
“What?!” Chanyeol looked affronted. “Who told you that?”  
  
The vultures AKA Baekhyun and Jongdae turned their attention to the juicer gossip of the day, their interrogation forgotten as they peppered Chanyeol with questions.  
  
“You finally asked her out, didn’t you? Oh my god I wish I had been there.”  
  
“Smooth operator, you dunce. How bad did it hurt?”  
  
“She didn’t slap me!” Chanyeol protested. “It was a love tap.”  
  
“Right. A love tap.” Jongdae rolled his eyes.  
  
Minseok seized the opportunity he had created, excusing himself. “You might want to put ice on your face, it’s still a little red.” He reached over and patted Chanyeol’s cheek then urged Baekhyun to move so he could get up. “I’ve got to help my Mom with something, so I’ll catch you guys tomorrow.”  
  
Thankfully his friends were still too distracted with Chanyeol’s failed love life to care that he was leaving. He grabbed his backpack and walked out of the café, the sounds of his friend’s chatter practically deafening out all the other customers. It was a miracle they weren’t kicked out some days, he thought.  
  
Now alone with his thoughts, Minseok spent the walk home with one hand in his pocket clutching the petals and his brain trying to reason out what had happened. He had coughed up flower petals. Right in front of the 791.45 books he was shelving (okay, so he knew the decimal system by heart). What in the hell.  
  
He pulled the petals from his pocket to make sure they were real. Much to his annoyance he found a solid object – or as solid as wilting flower petals could be.  
  
“I must have swallowed it with something,” he deduced. Maybe McDonald’s added flowers as part of a health craze or something? Yes, that had to be it. It was the only logical conclusion.  
  
He was so absorbed in looking at the mangled petals he didn’t realize that there was a far more solid object a few feet in front of him. He collided with the back of the delivery truck with a thud, falling backwards with a frightened scream. He landed hard, pain shooting up his bottom and making him wince.  
  
“Are you okay?” An alarmed voice asked.  
  
Minseok, still reeling from the fall and disoriented by the suddenness of it didn’t look up to see who was speaking. “Who put a truck there?!” He asked, indignant.  
  
“Uh, sorry it’s move in day.”  
  
Minseok recognized that voice. He looked up to find, much to his horror, that Lu Han was the person who had rushed to his aid. _The Lu Han_ , captain of the school’s football team, popular student, crushed on by all the girls and probably half the guys – Minseok included.  
  
Crap. “O-oh,” Minseok stuttered, quickly scurrying to his feet. He felt the warmth spread in his cheeks, he was certain he was probably as red as a cherry tomato at that moment. _He was talking to Lu Han._ He had never talked to Lu Han before. Ever.  
  
“Does it hurt anywhere?” Lu Han asked, eyes raking over Minseok’s form.  
  
“No! I’m fine!” Minseok blurted out. He stared dumbly at the student in front of him, mind blank. Had he ever been this close to his crush before? God, it wasn’t fair –he was even more handsome up close. How did a boy have such fine features, such amazing eyes, and such amazing hair? That neck, that adam’s apple, his height was perfect, his collarbones probably were too… Minseok swallowed.  
  
“You look a little dazed. Let me grab you a glass of water,” Luhan offered, turning to go.  
  
“No!” Minseok snapped out of his Luhan induced trance.  
  
Luhan didn’t look convinced but he stayed put. “Hey, you’re in my lit class, right?” He smiled. Luhan smiled at him.  
  
Minseok waited for the heart attack he was sure was forthcoming. “Yep!” His voice came out high pitched. _Yes, I’m in your lit class. Yes, that’s me who stares at you from the back of the classroom and hopes to god you don’t notice. Yes, I’m the one who spent most of the time we studied The Great Gatsby imagining you and I in that situation except minus the crazy husbands and death._  
  
“I knew you looked familiar! You’re Mr. Lee’s favorite,” Luhan smirked. “Well deserved. That essay you wrote on The Great Gatsby was amazing. You must read a ton.”  
  
Minseok nodded slowly, Luhan induced trance returning.  
  
“I’m Luhan, in case you didn’t read the name tag.”  
  
Right, they were both still in uniform. Minseok tried to smile but was certain it came off as some strange twisting of his lips. How to breathe.  
  
“And you’re Minseok.” Luhan pointed towards his name tag. “Do you live in this neighborhood?”  
  
Did he? Minseok had to think. “Here.” He managed to remember, pointing to the tall apartment building they stood in front of.  
  
“We’re neighbors now! We could study together,” Luhan sounded excited but quickly changed his tone. “I mean, if you want to. We’re in unit 726”  
  
Neighbors. _Neighbors with Luhan_. Minseok crashed back down to reality as he pieced together the moving truck and Luhan’s strange presence in front of his apartment.  
  
“728,” Minseok blurted out, confirming to Luhan and to himself they were more than living in the same building. They were now living next to each other.  
  
“Wow, we actually are neighbors!” Luhan smiled brightly.  
  
“Luhan, I need help with this box!” A woman’s voice called from somewhere behind the moving truck.  
  
“Gotta go. Hey, see you around, Minseok.” And with that Luhan was jogging away, a friendly wave the last Minseok saw of him.  
  
The walk into the building, the elevator ride up, and the path from his front door to his bedroom was a blur. Minseok sat on the edge of his bed, trying to understand what just happened.  
  
“Luhan’s my neighbor. Luhan’s my neighbor,” he repeated to himself.  
  
Luhan, who he had liked since freshman year. The Chinese transfer student had captured Minseok’s heart on so many levels since the day he introduced himself to the class with a thick accent and a shy smile, tripping over his words and a few seconds later his feet.  
  
Most importantly, Luhan was nice. A genuinely nice person and Minseok witnessed it more than once. He sat with the bullied kids at lunch. He did charity work. He probably rescued kittens from burning buildings as a hobby or something.  
  
And he was hot. Oh so devastatingly hot. Minseok wasn’t a sports enthusiast but he never missed a school football match. Luhan on the field was the sexiest thing he had ever seen. Ever. It was a good thing Jongdae liked the sport, so he didn’t have to explain why he was always at matches.  
  
He was smart too, acing tests even when he sometimes dozed off in class. A luxury Minseok didn’t have despite his strong performance in certain subjects.  
  
Luhan was in an entirely different social sphere from Minseok. He hung out with the popular kids: Minho and Doojoon from the football team were two of his closest friends. He owned his own car – a seventeenth birthday present if rumors were to be believed. He was the captain of the football club, a choir star, a valued member of the basketball team, and on the homecoming committee.  
  
“Luhan is my neighbor,” he whispered, letting it sink in.  
  
He fell onto his mattress on his back, his eyes fixed on the ceiling like it had the answers to all his problems.  
  
What if their parents became friends? What if Minseok’s mom drug out those embarrassing pictures of him dressed as a woodpecker as a child? What if…what if…?!  
  
It was only later he realized he dropped the petals when he fell. But by then the flower petals seemed to be the least of his problems.

***

  
  
“I went over to see our new neighbor yesterday,” Minseok’s mom announced cheerfully as she handed her oldest child a bowl of rice. “They have a son who goes to your school. She said he can drive you to school so you don’t have to take the bus anymore.”  
  
Minseok nearly dropped his breakfast. “What?!” he asked in horror, hoping he had heard his mother wrong.  
  
“I know, I don’t want to be a burden either but Mrs. Lu insisted. She said it would be great for you two to be close friends as well as neighbors and I agree.” Mrs. Kim gave Minseok the mom smile, the sweet looking expression that Minseok knew too well. It meant if he tried to argue, there would be hell to pay. “You need more friends, dear.”  
  
Minseok opened his mouth to protest but his mother started the juicer, drowning him out. He doubted that wasn’t on purpose. He trudged to the table and sat down, his life seemingly disintegrating around him.  
  
“Who’s the new neighbor?” his little sister asked from across the table, her eyes glued to her phone.  
  
Minseok ignored the question in favor of angrily shoveling a spoonful of rice into his mouth.  
  
He _did not_ need more friends. His friends were perfectly fine. All three of them. So what if he was maybe on the shy side and maybe didn’t have two dozen close friends like his mother, father, and sister seemed to have. Friends weren’t everything. Friends were soooo overrated.  
  
“His name’s Luhan,” his mother called from the kitchen. He swore the woman had selective hearing over the noise of that freaking juicer.  
  
“Luhan?!” his sister looked up from her phone, eyes wide. “Wow.”  
  
“You know him?” Minseok’s mother carried two glasses of pink whatever-it-was she made her children drink every morning for their health (Minseok cursed her propensity to try a new juicer recipe every other day), setting them in front of her children.  
  
“Of course I do. He’s the captain of the football team,” Minseok’s sister gushed. “He has his own fan club!”  
  
“What?” Minseok hadn’t heard that.  
  
“Yep, our school’s club is a junior branch of the high school’s fan club,” she answered, quickly clarifying she wasn’t in it.  
  
He shouldn’t be surprised that Luhan had fans in two schools and he shouldn’t be surprised they organized. Of course Luhan had a fan club. He was amazing.  
  
“Well he sounds like he would be an excellent new friend,” Mrs. Kim patted Minseok on the back.  
  
She completely missed the pout Minseok gave her.

***

  
  
Minseok had every intention of taking the bus to school. He had already planned on what he would say to Luhan if he brought up their mother’s ride shenanigans, how he would say thanks but no thanks and put an end to the foolishness. He had no desire to be in close contact with his one-sided crush, thank you very much. It would only further remind him that he had no chance with Luhan, that they were too different, that it was never going to happen.  
  
That was his intention. That was not what happened, however.  
  
Minseok threw his backpack over his shoulder and slipped on his shoes. With a quick goodbye to his mom he left their apartment….and nearly ran into Luhan, who was passing by at that exact moment.  
  
“Minseok! Good morning.” He sounded far too cheerful and caffeinated for so early in the day. “So you’re riding with me today,” he stated, all smiles and handsomeness and why did he have to be so good looking?!  
  
Minseok wanted to cry but settled for a soulless, “Yep, guess so.”  
  
“Cool.” Why did he look so excited? Minseok took a deep breath. This was going to be difficult.  
  
They walked to the elevator with Luhan chattering on about the weather and how he almost left without his sweater and what did Minseok think of rain and…  
  
“What product do you use in your hair?”  
  
Minseok instantly raised his hand to his hair, raking his fingers through his brown locks. He was sensitive about his hair ever since Baekhyun had talked him into dyeing it a few months back (at least he had chosen brown and not the purple Baekhyun had first shoved his way). “Nothing,” he admitted.  
  
They stepped onto the elevator, the doors sliding shut while Luhan pressed the button for the parking garage four times in a row.  
  
“It looks really nice,” Luhan complimented. He lifted his coffee mug to his lips and took a long sip, his eyes lingering on Minseok’s hair.  
  
Minseok looked away, feeling the flush returning to his cheeks. “Uh. Thanks. Yours too.” His hair looked like shit but Luhan’s was deserving of praise.  
  
They walked to Luhan’s car in silence which Minseok was grateful for. It gave him a precious minute to pull himself together as much as he could considering he was about to be in a confined space with his longstanding crush.  
  
Luhan hit the door button for his car. Minseok stopped in his tracks when he realized what car beeped in return. It was a shiny black Mercedes.  
  
“You drive a _Mercedes_?!” Minseok blurted out, unable to hold back his surprise. He knew Luhan had a car but he had never actually seen what it was.  
  
“Yeah,” Luhan answered casually.  
  
What was Luhan’s family doing living in this building if their son drove a luxury car? Minseok couldn’t understand. It wasn’t like the building was rundown but it was middle class. The Lus had to have serious money to buy their son such an expensive car– it made no sense they weren’t living in a more exclusive neighborhood – or sending their son to some upscale private school, for that matter.  
  
“You can put your bag in the back. Excuse the mess.” Luhan opened the driver’s side door and tossed his bag onto the backseat. Minseok followed suit on the passenger side, albeit very carefully. He had never touched such an expensive car before and he seriously didn’t want to break anything.  
  
Minseok slid into the leather seat, his eyes wandering to the fancy dash.  
  
“Not to be that person but please put on your seatbelt,” Luhan said as he started the car.  
  
Minseok stammered an apology, having been so enamored with the vehicle he forgot. He slipped on the seat belt and sat back, keeping his hands clasped tightly on his lap, too afraid to touch anything.  
  
“What kind of music do you listen to?” Luhan asked.  
  
“Anything.” Minseok stared out the window, not daring to look at Luhan more than was necessary. He didn’t need another Luhan trance thank you very much.  
  
“Wow, an equal opportunity listener,” Luhan said in a teasing tone. A few seconds later TVXQ started playing.  
  
Minseok recognized the song and knew all the words. He knew all the words to every TVXQ song, in fact, but he wasn’t going to reveal his fanboy self in fear of embarrassment.  
  
“I wanted to be Jaejoong when I was ten,” Luhan admitted as he turned onto the busy street.  
  
Minseok turned to look at Luhan in surprise. “I wanted to be Changmin,” Minseok blurted out before he could stop himself.  
  
Luhan laughed and for a moment Minseok thought he would tease him. “Jaemin for the win.” Luhan used the popular couple name for Changmin and Jaejoong, which did not help Minseok’s mind calm down.  
  
“I can dance Rising Sun,” Luhan bragged.  
  
“So can I.” Minseok was certain he had lost his mind to admit such a thing, but it just rolled off his tongue.  
  
“I’d like to see that,” Luhan chuckled.  
  
Before Minseok could further embarrass himself with TVXQ fan-talk another source of embarrassment appeared. A tickle in his throat, morphing into a pain and then a dry hack, sent his heart racing in a panic. No, no, not again. He didn’t even eat McDonalds!  
  
He brought his hands to his mouth, his chest heaving as he wheezed. No, no not now no!!!  
  
“Are you okay?!” Luhan asked in alarm.  
  
Minseok nodded as he hacked. He shut his eyes and winced at the pain that spread from his chest to his windpipe as he coughed hard. One particularly hard cough and he could feel the soft petals on the palm of his hand.  
  
No, no, no!!!  
  
“Minseok?! Do you need me to pull over?”  
  
Minseok folded his hand over the petals and moved it away. “I’m fine,” he lied, giving Luhan a fake smile. He could feel sweat beading on his forehead and his throat felt like it had been scraped with sandpaper. He had coughed up more petals and McDonalds wasn’t to blame. He was far from fine.  
  
“You look sick,” Luhan said in concern.  
  
“Really, I’m fine.” The last thing Minseok wanted was for Luhan to know about his weird habit. “I just need a drink of water.”  
  
“Would coffee help?” Luhan gestured towards his mug.  
  
Minseok didn’t think anything would help but took the offered coffee. After a hesitant sip, he found out exactly how Luhan was so hyper so early in the morning.  
  
“Do you put Red Bull in your coffee?!” Minseok asked after swallowing, his mouth forming a grimace.  
  
“Maybe,” Luhan answered sheepishly. “It does the trick.”  
  
Minseok put the travel mug back and returned to staring out the window. Luhan rambled on about the benefits of Red Bull and coffee for the rest of the ride to school. Minseok was happy not to have to talk, save for the muttered goodbye he hurled at Luhan as he hurried off to class.

***

  
  
Minseok knew it was coming. News travelled fast and he was sure it was already around half the school that Mr. Popular AKA Luhan had shown up with Mr. Who-is-that-again AKA Minseok.  
  
He noticed the curious looks during second period and he awaited Jongdae’s freak-out during third period. On a normal day that would have been sufficient stress to have him hiding in the library but this wasn’t a normal day. He also had some crushed flower petals to worry about. At this point he was closer to a nervous breakdown than a simple ninja retreat to the 600 section of the nonfiction books.  
  
“Did you give him road head?” was Jongdae’s first question after he plopped down next to Minseok at the back of the class.  
  
“No.” Minseok gave him a death look, ready to pounce on his best friend.  
  
Jongdae shrugged. “It was an honest question. Also, how’d you get in his car? Last I checked he didn’t know you existed.”  
  
Trust best friends to always boost your self-esteem. “He moved in next door yesterday. Our moms met and decided carpooling was a good idea.”  
  
Jongdae whistled. “Wow, what luck. Half the school would kill to have that happen to them.”  
  
“It’s bad luck. I’m going to tell him this was a one-time thing,” Minseok repeated the decision he had made.  
  
Jongdae grabbed the sleeve of his uniform and leaned in close. “You can’t do that! You finally have time to talk to the guy you’ve been drooling over for years. Dude, what are you thinking?”  
  
Minseok jerked his arm out of Jongdae’s grasp. Why had he bothered telling his friends about his crush? He never should have uttered a word of it during freshman year (and yes, he was going to forget all the comforting conversations he had with Baekhyun and Jongdae over his unrequited love after he admitted it – he was too pissy with the recent turn of events to see the bright side). “I don’t like him anymore,” Minseok lied.  
  
Jongdae snorted. “Okay. Then we don’t have to go to the football match on Friday.”  
  
He was testing him. Minseok wasn’t going to cave. “Fine.”  
  
“Fine.”  
  
“I have other things to do.”  
  
“Me too.”  
  
“Great.”  
  
“Great.”  
  
The teacher signaled the start of class at just the right time, ending the burgeoning cold war. Minseok tried to pay attention but between Luhan and flower petals he couldn’t. He could practically see his grades falling in front of him…. like flower petals. Damnit.

***

  
  
Minseok managed to make it through fourth period without incident, which he should have known was the calm before the storm. On his way to the cafeteria he was stopped by Jisu, a sophomore that was in his art history class. He had never spoken to her before so he couldn’t hide his confusion when she called out his name and gestured for him to stop.  
  
“Is something the matter?” Minseok asked, noting the distressed look on her face.  
  
“Why did Luhan give you a ride this morning?” she asked, her voice a mixture of concern and fear.  
  
Minseok wanted to groan. “We’re neighbors,” he explained.  
  
“Ohhhh.” Her expression instantly brightened. “That’s great I’ll let the rest of the club err, I mean girls know. Thanks, Minseok!” She skipped off, apparently relieved.  
  
And yet that was only the first incident of his lunch period. The second was Baekhyun and Chanyeol mirroring Jongdae’s protests about turning Luhan down for rides to school. They didn’t shut up about it until Minseok left via the third incident of his lunch period, a coughing fit mid-chew which sent him running to the bathroom in a panic – a few petals landing on his palm as he leaned against the stall door.  
  
When fifth period rolled around he was done with everyone and everything and for the first time in his life was seriously considering skipping class.  
  
He compromised by going to the nurse’s office and faking a sore throat (well, half-faking. His throat was sore from whatever in the hell was happening to him). After a call to his mom he was sent home, effectively escaping his friends and Luhan. It was his only victory of the day.

***

  
  
Minseok went to bed the moment he got home, because his mother would have killed him if he didn’t. The woman had a mind to enforce complete bedrest if one of her children was absent from school. No school, no sitting up.  
  
Minseok didn’t mind, however, considering he was now convinced there was something medically wrong with him. He had coughed up flower petals three times in two days and that was decidedly abnormal.  
  
He burrowed into his blankets, cellphone in hand. He tried searching every combination of flowers, coughing, and throwing up he could think up to no avail. He tossed his phone in frustration, settling into his blanket cocoon he considered the reality that he was going insane. It was all some grand hallucination, likely brought on from copious amounts of studying, junk food, and listening to Baekhyun talk about his One Piece / Sailor Moon crossover idea one too many times.  
  
“I’ve lost my mind,” he whispered.  
  
“Minseok, Luhan is here,” his mother called from the other side of his bedroom door.  
  
“Completely lost my mind,” he repeated, certain he was now having auditory hallucinations as well.  
  
His bedroom door opened but he didn’t emerge from his blanket fortress. Let the hallucinations come.  
  
“Minseok,” Luhan spoke hesitantly. “I brought your homework.”  
  
Minseok didn’t answer, didn’t look. Part of him was still sane.  
  
“I want to apologize to you about Jisu approaching you,” he groaned. “This is so embarrassing for me to talk about. There is some sort of club and I don’t support it or anything but I know they can get kind of territorial. I heard she talked to you today and I’m sorry for that.”  
  
It was all a hallucination.  
  
“I hope this doesn’t hurt our friendship.”  
  
Insanity felt so cruel, so damn cruel.  
  
“Oh my god, you have a Cristiano Ronaldo poster!”  
  
Insanity, it seemed, could be driven away by Cristiano Ronaldo and the accompanying embarrassment of having a half-naked poster of him in your room (purchased because he may or may not have overheard Luhan talking about him one day). Minseok tossed off the covers in horror, leaping from his bed in a panic.  
  
“I’m holding it for a friend,” he yelled, moving to stand in front of the very shirtless poster on his closet door. On his way to the poster he knocked elbows with Luhan, confirming he wasn’t a hallucination and making the entire situation that much more embarrassing.  
  
An awkward silence hung in the air as Minseok tried to block the poster with his arms out, his eyes wide and his hair likely sticking up five different ways from his afternoon in bed. Luhan, still in his school uniform, looked rightfully confused.  
  
“How are you feeling?” Luhan asked, breaking the strange stare down.  
  
Oh right, he was sick. Minseok stepped away from the poster and rubbed at his throat. “Not great but I’ll live.”  
  
This had to be the most embarrassing day of his life. He walked to his bed, giving a cursory glance around his room to see what else might embarrass him in front of Luhan. He was certain his kitten printed sheet set probably wasn’t helping him, but hey they were adorable.  
  
Luhan swung his backpack around and unzipped it, taking out a stapled packet of papers. “Mrs. Park assigned this today. I didn’t want you to miss it in case you are sick again tomorrow.” Luhan held out the papers.  
  
“Um, thanks.” Minseok stood and took the homework, not daring to make eye contact.  
  
“I’ll be going then.” Luhan zipped his backpack and swung it back around. He walked towards the door but stopped. “I hope you feel better. If so I’ll meet you by the elevator at seven.”  
  
Minseok nodded, too embarrassed from his previous outburst to turn down the ride.  
  
Once Luhan was gone he face planted into his bed, kicking his legs and waving his arms in frustration. Not only was he going crazy but he also had horribly embarrassed himself in front of his crush – and he hadn’t solved the ride problem.  
  
Damnit.

***

  
  
“Luhan seems like such a sweet boy,” Mrs. Kim cooed over breakfast the next morning.  
  
Minseok sipped his juice concoction without confirming her sentiments – his sister was too busy agreeing anyway.  
  
“He does a ton of charity work,” his sister rambled. “And delivers charcoal briquettes in winter. He volunteers at a soup kitchen too, or um, so I’ve heard.” Her cheeks were dusted with pink as she gushed over their neighbor.  
  
Great, Minseok thought. My sister has a crush on my crush. Wonderful.  
  
“You know, he would make a good boyfriend.” Mrs. Kim winked at her son.  
  
Minseok almost spit out his drink but choked on it instead. He brought a napkin to his mouth. “What?!”  
  
“Eww. He could do so much better than Minseok,” his sister cut in. “Plus he might not like boys.”  
  
Minseok gave them both death looks.  
  
“Minseok is a good catch,” his mother admonished his sister before turning her attention back to him. “I’m just saying honey he seems like a really great person and if he likes boys then he would be a great boyfriend.” Mrs. Kim smiled the mom smile, so sweet yet so full of ulterior motives.  
  
Minseok was not going to sit and talk to his mom and sister about his love life, or lack thereof. He excused himself and went to his room to finish getting ready.  
  
On one hand, something about his mother suggesting a boyfriend was nice – great even. He had come out to his parents in freshman year and they had been more than accepting of his sexual orientation. He knew there were a lot of kids out there that weren’t so lucky, so he felt some guilt in being annoyed. But then again, his mother had just all but told him to date Luhan, someone she had likely met all of one time. Someone he already had a crush on. Someone who had seen his half naked Cristiano Ronaldo poster.  
  
Minseok stomped around his room in frustration, getting ready with a lot of groans and “why me”s thrown in. When he met Luhan by the elevator at seven he was officially in a horrible mood, which the other boy instantly picked up on.  
  
“You look upset. Are you still sick?” Luhan asked as they stepped onto the elevator.  
  
“No,” Minseok answered curtly, venom in his voice.  
  
“Here, I brought you this.”  
  
Minseok glanced over to see a health drink in Luhan’s hands.  
  
“It’s good for sore throats,” Luhan explained.  
  
Minseok grabbed the drink, the warmth in his cheeks making an appearance. Luhan had brought him a drink. Luhan had thought of him. His crush cared. “Thank you,” Minseok said softly, his mood instantly changed.  
  
But Luhan cared about everyone, Minseok reminded himself as they arrived at the basement parking garage. He was just another person to Luhan and he always would be. Getting excited about something like this was exactly why he needed to avoid Luhan. Having a one-sided crush was already painful, giving it delusional fuel would end up making it hurt more.  
  
“Are you coming to the match on Friday?” Luhan asked when they reached the car.  
  
Right, the football match. “No, I’m busy.”  
  
Minseok could almost swear Luhan frowned for a brief second. “That’s too bad. I like seeing you in the stands.”  
  
Luhan got into the car like he hadn’t just destroyed Minseok’s world. Like he hadn’t just made Minseok’s’ heart beat so hard he was certain it would beat right out of his chest. He liked seeing him in the stands?! He noticed him?!  
  
“Are you getting in?” Luhan called when Minseok remained rooted to the spot.  
  
Minseok hurried up, another embarrassing moment added to the long list.  
  
“You have no idea how happy I am to have met someone who likes TVXQ,” Luhan rambled, turning on Mirotic.  
  
Minseok kept his head turned, finding the window so much safer than the view to his left.  
  
“Are you busy on Saturday?” Luhan asked after they drove for a couple minutes.  
  
Minseok racked his brain for a quick excuse but couldn’t find one. “No.”  
  
“Do you want to hang out? We could do whatever.”  
  
Luhan was asking him to do whatever. _Luhan was asking him to do whatever_. “Sounds good,” Minseok squeaked.  
  
He spent the rest of the car ride half-listening as Luhan talked about football, his mind repeating “I’m hanging out with Luhan on Saturday” again and again until they arrived at school. He hurried off to his class like the day prior, not staying to chat. When he got to his desk it occurred to him he had forgotten to tell Luhan he wasn’t going to accept any more rides. Damnit.

***

  
  
The school day passed by rather uneventfully which was a godsend. Minseok couldn’t take anything more, he had enough to internally freak out about with the Saturday invitation. He didn’t cough up petals, he didn’t have Jisu asking him questions, and his friends didn’t even comment on Luhan bringing him to school that morning (Minseok hoped they hadn’t heard, but was also aware they were quite distracted by Chanyeol’s latest news – Minah had shockingly asked _him_ out).  
  
When his last class ended Minseok was no longer in a bad mood. He was still riddled with anxiety, still convinced he might be losing his mind, and he still intended to tell Luhan he wouldn’t accept any more rides – but his mood was okay. Small victories. Small victories.  
  
He found Luhan leaning against his Mercedes, his attention on his phone. Minseok had to stop himself from appreciating the view because damn did Luhan look nice with his legs crossed, leaning against a luxury car, looking straight out of a 1980s high school teen drama.  
  
But he had to stay strong. It was for his own good. Less time with his crush was better for his state of mind. Minseok squared his shoulders and marched up to his neighbor, ready to face the task.  
  
Unfortunately, his enemy saw him coming. Luhan looked up from his phone before Minseok could successfully launch his verbal attack (which would have sounded quiet and not like an attack at all but details, details).  
  
“Hey, I think I found something for us to do on Saturday.” Luhan flashed a devastatingly handsome smile. Crap. Minseok’s resolve crumbled.  
  
“You did?” Minseok asked, curious.  
  
“Do you like coffee? I thought I saw you drinking it a few times.”  
  
Coffee. He freaking loved coffee. He breathed coffee. “Yeah, I like it.”  
  
“There is a barista class nearby. I thought it might be fun to attend. It’s cheap too.” Luhan held up his phone, displaying a sign-up form.  
  
Minseok had always wanted to take barista classes. This was bad. This was….” I’d love to.”  
  
“Great. I’ll sign us up later.” Luhan opened the door.  
  
“Can I have your phone?” he asked as Minseok slid into the passenger seat.  
  
“Why?” Minseok asked dumbly.  
  
“So I can text you in case I’m running late in the morning or you are. Or for whatever.”  
  
Minseok handed over his phone, lost in Luhan’s smiles, his talk of barista classes, and his goddamn handsome face.  
  
Damnit. His enemy won, unequivocally.

***

  
  
Minseok had gotten used to Luhan being always upbeat, chatty and in high spirits. When he gave Minseok a ride home that Thursday he looked positively depressed, worrying Minseok greatly.  
  
“Is something the matter,” he asked when Luhan didn’t even bother to turn on the radio.  
  
Luhan didn’t answer at first, which increased Minseok’s concern. He looked at Luhan’s face and immediately noticed how pale he was.  
  
“Minseok, have you ever been in love?” Luhan asked quietly.  
  
Um, that was unexpected. “No. I don’t think so,” Minseok answered. Sure he liked Luhan but he wasn’t in love with him. But wait…was Luhan in love with someone? Minseok frowned.  
  
“Really?” Luhan instantly brightened. “I mean, you’re single, right?”  
  
“Uh. Yeah.” What in the hell was going on. Minseok dared to ask, “How about you?”  
  
“Single. Very single,” Luhan answered, sounding overly excited at his lack of a relationship.  
  
“Congratulations…” Minseok offered, confused but feeling better that Luhan wasn’t about to bemoan that he was in love with someone.  
  
“You too!” Luhan waxed, pushing the button on the radio, TVXQ blaring through the speakers a few seconds later.  


***

  
  
“I am not putting my head there,” Minseok said for the umpteenth time. “You are.”  
  
Jongdae snorted. “Not with the way you’re playing.”  
  
“You’re both going to have your heads hit by balls and man someone should record that we sound like we’re planning a porno.” Baekhyun cackled from the corner of the room where he was chalking his pool cue.  
  
It was Jongdae who had suggested the punishment for the pair who lost at billiards and his two friends had agreed. Having their head hit by pool balls if they lost was agreeable because of course all three of them were convinced they were going to be the ones to win.  
  
It was Friday night, eve of hang-out-with-Luhan day and the trio of best friends were camped out at Baekhyun’s house. Minseok loved Baekhyun’s house, mostly because it had a pool table. Also because Baekhyun’s mom made great cookies.  
  
Baekhyun took a shot and failed, signaling for Minseok to go. When Minseok was lining up his shot, deep in concentration, his friends struck.  
  
“How are the rides with Luhan going?” Jongdae asked, smirking when Minseok lost his focus, sending the ball a couple inches too far to the right.  
  
Minseok gave him a nasty look. “Fine,” he answered.  
  
“What do you guys talk about?” Baekhyun inquired.  
  
Minseok sighed. He had known it was too good to be true that his friends hadn’t brought Luhan up for the last couple days. He also knew he had to say something and that deep down he trusted his friends. “Music. School. Luhan likes to talk so I mostly listen.” There, he had given them the cliff-notes version of his rides to and from school. So what if he left out the next day’s barista class or the fact he had given Luhan his number or the strange love conversation they had the day before.  
  
“I’m so glad you don’t like him anymore. It’s nice to play pool instead of watch football for a change,” Jongdae remarked dryly, lining up his shot.  
  
“You don’t like him anymore?” Baekhyun raised his eyebrows at Minseok.  
  
“It was just a stupid crush,” Minseok mumbled.  
  
“A stupid crush you’ve had for three years! And it isn’t stupid.” Baekhyun let out a loud groan at Jongdae’s perfect shot.  
  
“See, I’m not the one getting hit in the head.” Jongdae smirked, moving around the table to continue his lucky streak.  
  
“Plus it seems like he likes you back,” Baekhyun nudged Minseok’s shoulder playfully.  
  
“What?!” Minseok looked at his friend like he had grown a second head. “That is impossible.”  
  
“Yeah, I mean totally impossible. He gives you rides, makes moon eyes at you. Jongdae you little shit, did you just–“ Baekhyun marched to the other side of the table in an effort to distract Jongdae from easily winning the game.  
  
Jongdae ignored the distraction and made another perfect shot, winning the game. He did a victory dance while his friends dissolved into protests of “you just got lucky” and “seriously you blew on that ball I saw it” (which facilitated Baekhyun saying they sounded like they were making a porno yet again).  
  
Minseok glumly received his punishment, a hard smack on the head that made him regret agreeing to the method but slightly hopeful it would make him forget that Baekhyun had ever hinted that Luhan liked him back. Afterwards the trio retreated to Baekhyun’s room to watch anime. While Baekhyun scrolled through his library, Jongdae brought the Luhan subject back up.  
  
“You know, for once in his life Baekhyun has a point. There’s a good chance Luhan likes you.”  
  
Minseok snorted. “Right. Like that is believable.”  
  
“Hey, you might not notice but he does look at you during class a lot. It’s weird.” Jongdae paused, looking thoughtful. “At first I assumed you had something on your face but it went on for a few days so clearly he either is obsessed with the slope of your nose or he likes you.”  
  
Minseok rolled his eyes. “You guys are overthinking things. I am sure he doesn’t look at me.”  
  
“Listen, you have a tendency to look down on yourself and think you aren’t worthy or whatever shit goes through your head. We’re here to tell you to knock it off, that Luhan legit stares at you like some kind of creep. You’re a cool guy, Minseok. Anyone would be lucky to date you and it isn’t impossible to think Luhan might like you back.”  
  
“He’s the most popular guy in school. There is zero chance that even _if_ Luhan likes guys, and that is a big _if_ , he would consider dating me,” Minseok shot back.  
  
“I don’t know, stranger things have happened. Jongdae won at billiards,” Baekhyun chimed in.  
  
Minseok sat back as Jongdae launched himself at Baekhyun in retaliation. He could say one thing about his friends. They were never boring.

***

  
  
Minseok ate breakfast quickly the next morning, a completely out of character move for him. He was usually a sloth on the weekends, taking twice as long to do everything just because he could.  
  
“Mrs. Lu said you and Luhan have a date today,” his mother said with a smile.  
  
Minseok felt his face heat up.  
  
“A date? Ohhhhh,” his father cooed from behind his newspaper.  
  
“It’s not a date. We’re just hanging out,” Minseok corrected her.  
  
“Sure. Have fun sweetie.”  
  
He couldn’t retreat from the table or his mother’s latest juice concoction fast enough.  
  
As he scoured his wardrobe for an appropriate outfit he repeated to himself that it wasn’t a date. Not a date. _Not even close to a date_.  
  
After much back and forth he decided to wear the black jeans that he knew made his ass look fantastic paired with the grey and white sweater that flattered his waist. Not a date. Not a date at all. He styled his hair carefully, putting in product to get his shaggy bangs off his forehead. Nope, not even close to a date. Was bb cream too much? Not a date.  
  
He grabbed his charcoal wool coat and slipped on his converse to complete the look. He willed away the strange feelings in his stomach and made a dash for the front door – not wanting to hear another date comment because this was not a date. He successfully made it out the apartment door before being discovered, sighing in relief as the door shut behind him.  
  
“Wow.”  
  
Minseok turned to his right. Luhan was leaning against the wall next to his apartment, his eyes scanning down Minseok’s body. Minseok swallowed, blushing.  
  
“You look nice out of our school uniform,” Luhan said in appreciation.  
  
Minseok could mimic the sentiment – but instead of nice he would say hot. Luhan looked hot out of their drab school attire. He was wearing a plain grey t-shirt and dark jeans, sneakers and a leather jacket but somehow as simple as his outfit was he looked devastatingly attractive in it. Minseok swallowed again, certain he had lost the ability to speak.  
  
“Ready?” Luhan asked, gesturing towards the elevator.  
  
Minseok nodded. Not a date, this was not a date.  
  
He managed to almost convince himself of the fact until he caught Luhan looking at him in the elevator, the other boy quickly averting his gaze like he was embarrassed. Was this the same Luhan that Minseok had been getting rides from?  
  
“Have you ever taken a barista class before?” Minseok asked, grasping at straws, looking for anything to say to ease the awkwardness.  
  
“No, have you?”  
  
Minseok shook his head. “But I’ve really wanted to try it.”  
  
“Me too,” Luhan said softly.  
  
When they stepped off the elevator Minseok made a move to go towards the parking garage but Luhan stopped him. “We can walk. I mean, if that’s okay with you.”  
  
“Yeah, that’s fine.” Internally Minseok was dreading not having the distraction of the radio between them, but he wasn't about to admit to it.  
  
When they stepped outside Minseok didn’t feel any better about the walking situation. The sky was overcast, it looked like it might rain. Still he didn’t want to be the one to renege on the whole walking idea.  
  
“I like how close we are to shops, it was impossible to find anything decent within walking distance in my old neighborhood,” Luhan commented.  
  
“Where did you live before?” Minseok asked, curious.  
  
When Luhan mentioned one of the wealthier enclaves in their vicinity Minseok couldn’t hold back, he blurted out a question he immediately realized was rude and none of his business. “Why did you move here?”  
  
He was about to utter an apology but Luhan cut him off, answering the question without sounding upset. “My parents got a divorce. My father moved back to Beijing and my mother didn't think we needed all the room.”  
  
Minseok felt like a jerk for having asked. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t ha-”  
  
“No, it’s fine,” Luhan assured him. “Bad things happen sometimes, and honestly it isn’t that horrible. They are way happier not being together than being together so it kind of worked out for the best. Plus, I got to move next to you so it isn’t all bad.”  
  
Minseok knew he was blushing. Not a date. Totally not a date.  
  
“How has your throat been?” Luhan asked. They stopped to wait for a light to change, giving Minseok a chance to look at his totally-not-a-date.  
  
“Great. Good, no more problems.” Minseok certainly hoped there would be no more problems. If he coughed up one more flower petal…  
  
“I’m glad. I was worried about you.” Luhan smiled brightly. The light changed, their conversation stopped by the push of the pedestrians waiting to cross.  
  
Their arms brushed while they crossed the street, their hands touching for the briefest of moments. Minseok quickly jerked his hand away, swallowing hard. Not.A.Date.  
  
“It’s too bad you weren’t at the game yesterday,” Luhan said when they reached the other side of the road.  
  
“How so?”  
  
“Minho scored two goals, he was on fire. It was a really good game.”  
  
“Sounds like it.” Minseok honestly regretted not going, but he knew he couldn’t. Not when he had told Jongdae his crush was null and void –– and other such nonsense. And it _was_ nonsense, he was very well aware that if anything he liked Luhan more now.  
  
“Do you ever play?” Luhan asked.  
  
“No, I’m not very good at it.” Minseok recalled his failed attempts at sports –– mostly gym class enforced.  
  
“If you ever want to play just to have fun, let me know. I’m sure you think you are worse than you actually are.”  
  
Minseok would have debated that if it wasn’t for the sudden scratch in his throat accompanied by sheer panic. Not now, not now. He held his breath, hoping it would help. It didn’t.  
  
He hacked, his chest tightening. He knew it was happening again and at the worst time possible. He doubled over, coughing. He couldn’t let Luhan see him ...see him...whatever it was that had been happening to him lately.  
  
“I-” he gasped for air, “have to go.”  
  
It was difficult to start running, to suck in a few deep breaths as his throat constricted and his chest heaved. He made it twenty feet before he had to stop. He gagged, his hand over his mouth as he felt the soft petals move up his throat.  
  
“Minseok!” Luhan was beside him, a hand on his back. “Are you okay?!”  
  
Minseok captured the petals in the palm of his hand. He winced, his chest aching at the attack. He felt tears prick his eyes – both due to the coughing fit and because of where and when it had occurred.  
  
“I have to go,” he rasped, balling the petals up in his fist. Why was this happening again?! What was wrong with him?!  
  
Minseok tried to move forward but a hand on his shoulder stopped him. Luhan held him tight. Minseok whirled around, a stray tear escaping. “I have to go,” he choked out.  
  
“Minseok,” Luhan said softly, his eyes glued to Minseok’s hand. “Let me see.”  
  
Minseok paled. How could he – Luhan saw, he must have noticed. Minseok froze, unable to run away but unable to show the petals he had coughed up.  
  
“Are they flower petals?” Luhan asked, his gaze serious and unwavering  
  
When Minseok didn't react Luhan grabbed him by the shoulders. He looked panicked, perhaps even a little afraid. “Are they?!” he demanded.  
  
Minseok nodded, uncertain of why he dared to admit to such a thing.  
  
“So it’s happening to you too,” Luhan whispered. “It’s not just me.”  
  
Minseok let the petals fall onto the sidewalk, shocked into silence.

***

  
  
“It started a week ago,” Luhan rattled off. He was leaning over, rummaging in one of his dresser drawers. Minseok sat at the desk chair in Luhan’s room, still attempting to grasp what had happened.  
  
After Luhan had admitted he too was having the bizarre issue, he had hurried Minseok back to their apartment building, claiming he knew what was causing it. Minseok had followed Luhan in a daze, unable to comprehend how any of this was possible much less how Luhan had figured out what was causing it.  
  
It was the first time he stepped foot inside Luhan’s family’s home and rightfully he should have felt both nervous and curious at the prospect –– but he didn’t. He bowed to Mrs. Lu and plodded after Luhan without even a cursory glance around, his mind dominated by the strange going-ons.  
  
“Here!” Luhan lifted a colorfully bound book out of the drawer and held it up. “I found it in here.”  
  
Minseok stood up and sidled next to Luhan, peeking at the book as Luhan flipped it open. “Is that Japanese?”  
  
“Yeah,” Luhan confirmed.  
  
Of course, Luhan could read Japanese, Minseok thought. Of course, that was one more thing he was great at, one more accomplishment to add to his long list of charms.  
  
“I bought this years ago and forgot about it. It’s a medical book.” Luhan gestured for Minseok to take a seat next to him on his bed. Minseok obliged. “You have to promise you won’t laugh when I tell you what it is.”  
  
“I promise,” Minseok said solemnly.  
  
Luhan stopped flipping through the pages, bookmarking a section with his finger he set the book on his lap and turned to Minseok.  
  
Minseok could see something akin to fear or sadness in his eyes, which worried Minseok more. “Minseok, we are dying.”  
  
“What?!” Minseok sputtered. Sure coughing up flower petals wasn’t normal by any means but _dying_?!  
  
“We’re suffering from Hanahaki disease, a rare condition that little is known about. If we don’t find the cure, we’ll die.”  
  
“What is the cure?” Minseok demanded, the blood rushing out of his face. He felt faint. Die? He was too young to die?! He had yearly checkups, his mom pushed health food concoctions down his throat daily –– it just couldn’t be.  
  
“The disease is caused by unrequited love. The only way to stop the disease is for the person you love to fall in love with you. If that doesn’t happen the disease will progress until you suffocate,” Luhan explained, frowning when he was done.  
  
Okay, now Minseok understood why Luhan told him not to laugh. “That doesn’t make any sense. How could your body react to unrequited love? Luhan, I’m not sure what–”  
  
“Minseok, I love you.”  
  
Minseok froze, mouth hanging open. He blinked a few times, his mind a complete mess. “What did you say?”  
  
Luhan looked down at his sky-blue comforter, avoiding eye contact. “I said I love you. I’ve loved you since a couple years ago and I knew you didn’t like guys so I just gave up and then I moved in here and then this started and I realized loving you is going to kill me.”  
  
Luhan loved him. Luhan, captain of the school’s soccer team, beyond talented Luhan, social Luhan, loved him?! So Baekhyun and Jongdae had been right….  
  
“And it is clear you love someone, since you have the disease too. So, you see,” Luhan looked up, tears streaming down his cheeks. “For one of us to live the other one has to die.”  
  
Minseok moved away, sitting on the edge of the bed he put his head in his hands. This was too weird, way too weird. He rubbed his face vigorously, hoping he would wake up from what was obviously a dream.  
  
“I know I have no right to ask, but who is it that you love?” Luhan asked, his voice cracking as he continued to cry.  
  
Minseok removed his hands and turned to look at Luhan. “You really like me?”  
  
Luhan nodded, wiping away tears with the back of his hands.  
  
Could he confess? Did he have any other choice? He doubted what Luhan was telling him about the disease but regardless Luhan had confessed to him. He had told him he had a longstanding crush on him, that the feelings were mutual. Kim Minseok, stop being an idiot, he mentally chided himself.  
  
He took a deep breath, working up the courage. “I like you. A lot. For as long as you said you’ve liked me, I’ve liked you.”  
  
It was Luhan’s turn to be stunned into silence.  
  
Minseok tried to fill the awkwardness by filling in the details. “I didn’t think someone like you would like me. I mean, someone as cool as you – I’m kind of nerdy if you didn’t notice. And well, I didn’t know you liked guys either so–”  
  
“Are you sure it’s me?” Luhan interrupted. “There isn’t someone else you like, someone you like more?”  
  
Minseok shook his head. “No. This is so embarrassing but I’ve had a crush on you for so long, there hasn’t been anyone else I’ve liked since middle school.”  
  
“That doesn’t make sense.” Luhan stood up and paced to the other side of the room, hands on his hips. “If we like each other than how can we both have Hanahaki disease?”  
  
“Are you sure that is what it is? We should go to the doctor, Luhan, before self-diagnosing.” Minseok never would have thought that right after hearing a confession from Luhan he would be planning a date to the clinic, but hey he hadn’t thought it would all be brought about by coughing up flower petals either.  
  
“No, we can’t go. The hospital is out of the question.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Do you know what doctors do when they see a patient with Hanahaki disease? A surgery, Minseok, a surgery with a success rate of less than 5%. Assuming it does work great but there is a 95% chance it won’t and then you lose all that time to recovery. Minseok, we don’t have a lot of time left we can’t spend it in a hospital when we should be working to cure this on our own.”  
  
Minseok tensed at the mention of a surgery. He had his tonsils out when he was seven and it had been an unpleasant experience, despite the buckets of ice cream he consumed while recovering. “But to cure it you said unrequited love has to become mutual love. We already like each other…”  
  
“We must not love each other enough,” Luhan announced firmly. “I know it seems strange but that is the only thing that could make sense. We aren’t in love as much as we need to be. We love each other, but we need to love each other more.”  
  
_Love_. Minseok was stuck on the word. He liked Luhan, a lot, but love? He had never thought he loved him. To Minseok love was something that took time, something that came after knowing each other, dating for a while. But now he was supposedly suffering from a disease born of love, or lack thereof, and so was Luhan. So was he in love all along? Is this what love felt like?  
  
“We need a plan of attack. We need to fall deeper in love as quickly as possible.” Luhan nodded after he spoke, like he was agreeing with himself. “We can save ourselves, Minseok, as long as we’re both willing to fall more in love.”  
  
“This all sounds like some bad teen comedy,” Minseok muttered under his breath, adding in a louder voice, “I need some time to think this all through.” Minseok stood and move towards the door.  
  
Luhan looked at him like a wounded animal.  
  
“I’m not saying you’re wrong, I just –– this is a lot.” Minseok hoped he understood.  
  
“I know it is. Minseok, I know,” Luhan said grimly.  
  
Minseok opened the door and was about to step out when Luhan spoke. “Thank you for loving me.”  
  
Minseok felt his face flame. “Thank you,” he called over his shoulder, hurrying to get home and fling himself headfirst onto his bed. He had a lot of thinking to do, and a good deal of squealing as well. Luhan liked him, holy shit.  
  
Oh and he might be dying.  
  
But Luhan liked him!

***

  
  
Minseok searched in three different languages, scouring search engines for Hanahaki disease, desperate to understand what was afflicting him. He found little, a few strange social media posts, a person asking if it was always fatal, and what seemed to be a medical paper on it in Japanese – which the translator app mucked up horribly. Luhan had said it was rare, so was the lack of available information on the disease surprising?  
  
Minseok still couldn’t grasp the potential death sentence that came along with the disease. It seemed so outrageous, so...unlikely. But what else did he have to go on? He debated sneaking off to see a doctor but if what Luhan said was right that would mean being holed up in a hospital, maybe even shortening his life span.  
  
So the alternative was aggressively attempting to love Luhan more. Honestly, it was the best treatment he had ever heard of. Love Luhan and be loved in return. Hell, he had ~~liked~~ been in love with Luhan for years. And now he knew his feelings were returned. They loved each other. They could date and hold hands and…  
  
“Why am I like this?” Minseok groaned, burying his head in his pillow. He felt like a shy pre-teen seeing a kiss on television while his parents sat next to him. He was making himself sick.  
  
He grinned like a fool as he picked up his phone and shot Luhan a message.  
  
_Let’s fall more in love <3_  
  
He dropped his phone like it was scalding and returned to burrowing into his bedding, his cheeks warm, a fluttering feeling in his chest adding to the already dizzying array of sensations. Luhan liked him. he liked Luhan. And now they had to save each other.

***

  
  
“How’d your date go?” Minseok’s father called out from his place on the sofa.  
  
Minseok had crept towards the front door as quietly as possible, failing miserably. He was caught. “It wasn’t a date,” he muttered, still smiling and feeling like a fool.  
  
“Where are you going?” his mother called from her place next to his father. They were arguing over the remote, a common sight.  
  
“I’m going to hang out with Luhan. I’ll be back later, bye,” he rambled, running for the door and making it out before his parents could bombard him with more questions.  
  
It had only been a couple of hours since the epic love confession but they both agreed time was of the essence. Luhan had texted Minseok asking him to meet him outside so they could hang out some more and Minseok readily agreed, giddy and bashful and how could he say no oh-wow-Luhan-really-liked-him-holy-shit-best-day-ever.  
  
It was a repeat of the morning, Luhan leaning against the wall between their apartments looking far too attractive for his own good. This time when Luhan looked him up and down Minseok knew why (though is embarrassment hadn’t lessened).  
  
“Where should we go?” Minseok asked, walking towards the elevator. Were they dating now? Was this…. were they…  
  
Luhan caught up with him. Before Minseok could react, the other boy grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers. “Let’s go somewhere quiet, we should talk more.”  
  
Minseok would agree to almost anything with Luhan’s hand squeezing his own. It was an amazing feeling. It wasn’t like he had never held hands before but this was different. It was a heady, exciting sensation that made him feel like he was on top of the world, like he was literally floating on a cloud.  
  
Luhan liked him. They liked each other. They were holding hands. And they were also going to die, apparently. Okay, so there was a big downside to things.  
  
“How do we fall more in love?” Minseok asked, stepping into the elevator first, never letting go of Luhan’s hand.  
  
“Can I kiss you?” Luhan blurted out.  
  
Minseok nodded, heart rate instantly increasing at the prospect of Luhan kissing him. He closed his eyes immediately, probably giving it away that he had only been kissed a couple of times before – awkward pecks in middle school. He jumped when he felt the press of Luhan’s lips on his own, a chaste kiss that was over too soon.  
  
“You’re so cute,” Luhan whispered, free hand coming up to cup Minseok's cheek.  
  
Minseok dared to look at him, immediately noting the pink dusting on Luhan’s cheeks that likely mirrored his own.  
  
The elevator stopped at the sixth floor, spurring the teenagers to pull apart from each other. They still held hands but they were no longer face to face with lovesick expressions on their faces. Minseok tried not to laugh when a woman entered the elevator, giving the pair a suspicious look – almost like she knew what they had been doing.  
  
Minseok and Luhan exchanged glances, smiling and biting their lips in unison to hold back their laughter. They shared their mirth without words, their gazes locked as they tried not to appear as guilty as they were.  
  
Is this what love felt like, Minseok wondered. This intense feeling, this good feeling, this shared feeling. How were they going to make it better than this?

***

  
  
“Step number four, put the row back in romance.”  
  
When Luhan had suggested they go somewhere to talk Minseok hadn’t realized that meant go to the football field, sit in the bleachers and rattling off tips from Cosmo’s _How to Fall Deeper in Love_ guide. He had assumed it would be much more hand holding and sickeningly sweet whispers and oh wow he was a pre-teen wasn’t he. That or he watched far too much Hallmark channel back in the day.  
  
“How do you feel about rowing?” Luhan asked, pen in hand to jot down notes on the magazine.  
  
“I... guess so.” Minseok had never been on a boat much less rowed one.  
  
“If you don’t want to that’s fine. i mean we might die but-”  
  
“It’s fine, Luhan. It’s fine.” Minseok held his hand up to shush his...wait, they were dating, right? “We um...are we…”  
  
“Doomed to die unless we fall deeply in love? Yes, unfortunately.” Luhan pursed his lips.  
  
“No. Boyfriends. Are we boyfriends?”  
  
“Yes. I mean I think. If you want to be.” Luhan looked hopeful.  
  
“Yes, I do.” Minseok smiled shyly.  
  
“I just hope we stay alive long enough to enjoy dating.” Luhan frowned again. He set the magazine aside and sighed.  
  
Minseok bit his bottom lip, lost in his own thoughts. He still couldn’t quite believe he was dying, it didn’t make sense. But he knew Luhan was convinced and at the mention of their impending doom the atmosphere grew serious and depressing.  
  
He patted Luhan’s knee, snapping the other teenager out of his gloomy daze. “Let’s start on step one. We can do this.”  
  
Luhan nodded. Step one was...cheesy in Minseok’s opinion, which was saying a lot considering his inner narrative of their relationship was basically a twelve year old’s dream of castles and fairy princesses. If Baekhyun and Jongdae ever learned just how ridiculously sappy he was being, he would never hear the end of it.  
  
Step one - stare into each other’s eyes. Reconnect through the simple act of looking, _really looking_ at the person you love. Or so the magazine said. “Can we blink?” Minseok asked, turning to the side and folding his legs. Luhan did the same, the two boys facing each other.  
  
“I think so.” Luhan glanced at the magazine. “It doesn’t say anything about not blinking.”  
  
Minseok put his hands in his lap and sat up straight, eyes locked with Luhan’s. It wasn’t more than a few seconds before he felt acutely embarrassed staring into the eyes of ~~the person he had been crushing on for years~~ his boyfriend.  
  
Luhan wasn’t faring any better, though he seemed less likely to pull away. His face was red but he seemed like he was enjoying himself, eyes locked with Minseok’s.  
  
“Why do you like me?” Minseok asked, honestly curious.  
  
“You’re smart and cute and I’ve never seen anyone who can look like they could take Minho in a fight one second and then make me want to tuck them in the next. You never made fun of my accent when I transferred or made a point to be fake nice to me, which I appreciate. I heard you memorized the entire dewey decimal system in your free time and for some reason that is so hot to me,” Luhan admitted.  
  
It was hard not to look away as Minseok remembered the one instance he would have looked like he would fight Minho and that was gym class during a very boisterous game of dodgeball. “I’m really not cute,” Minseok muttered, adding, “And I never talked to you before you moved in. And yeah, I’m kind of a book nerd.”  
  
“Okay, I admit it. You are way more sexy than cute. And yeah, you never talked to me. I liked the mystery.”  
  
Apparently Luhan had no shame, Minseok realized. He swallowed, repeating in his mind that he shouldn’t break eye contact.  
  
“Why do you like me?” Luhan challenged.  
  
Damn, of course he would ask that. “You’re smart and um…nice. Really nice. And good looking.” Minseok’s voice wavered at the last part.  
  
“You think I’m good looking?” Luhan teased, eyes brightening.  
  
“Like you don’t know that. You have a fan club for crying out loud.” Minseok fought to keep from rolling his eyes.  
  
“Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. And um, when they find out about us they might be a bit–”  
  
“I already figured as much.” Minseok knew Luhan’s fan club wasn’t going to take the news of him dating well but that was but another hurdle, a minor one if they were dying.  
  
They lapsed into silence for a few seconds before Luhan spoke, the conversation returning to the dark cloud hanging over them. “Think of all the time we wasted liking each other and never admitting it,” Luhan sighed. “And now it may be too late.”  
  
“Don’t say that! We just need to fall more in love!” Minseok reached for Luhan’s hand, desperation turning to courage.  
  
Minseok broke eye contact when he felt something wet on his hand. He looked down, horrified to see a smattering of bird shit on his hand. Luhan stared at the offending sight as well before the pair made noises of disgust and sprung up from the bleachers.  
  
A few minutes later, while washing his hands for the eighth time in the fieldhouse bathroom, Minseok wondered if they were more in love.  
  
“Ready for step two?” Luhan called from outside the bathroom.  
  
“Yeah, just a second.” Minseok washed his hands two more times before he left, ready to face what was next.

***

  
  
“Step two: try something new together. Embarking on a new experience with your partner creates memories and lets you see a different side of the one you love. New memories help strengthen the love you already feel for each other by adding to your shared experiences.” Luhan recited.  
  
“What is something you have never done?” Minseok asked. They were sitting in Luhan’s car in the school parking lot, plotting their next move.  
  
“I don’t know. There’s a lot.” Luhan tossed the magazine on his dash and began drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, deep in thought.  
  
“Have you ever…” Minseok tried to think of somewhere close by they could go but he was coming up blank. “Wait, isn’t everything we do together new? I mean since we only just hung out today. Like even if we have done it individually we haven’t done it together.”  
  
“Yeah, you’re right.”  
  
“Do you want to go get coffee?” Minseok asked.  
  
“I’d love too.”

***

  
  
The pair sat in the corner of the cafe, steaming mugs of Americano in their hands. They had decided on a cafe neither had been to, just in case the having-done-something-but-not-together logic was flawed in some way.  
  
“How will we know when we are cured?” Minseok wondered out loud.  
  
“The disease will stop progressing,” Luhan said.  
  
“Honestly, I haven’t noticed it getting worse.” Minseok had coughed up flowers but it wasn’t increasing in frequency nor did he feel particularly more ill than the first time it happened.  
  
“Good, that means we have time yet.” Luhan took a drink of his coffee. “Let’s talk about something else. While we still can.”  
  
“Sure.” Minseok tried to think of a topic but like with most things Luhan beat him to it.  
  
“Would you sleep over at my house tonight?” Luhan asked casually.  
  
Minseok almost spit out his coffee. “Tonight?!” He squeaked, bringing a napkin to his mouth to wipe away the drops.  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
Minseok was torn between immediately saying yes and being logical about the situation. First off his parents would probably not let him - they already thought he was dating Luhan (oh wait, he was) so sleeping over at his boyfriend’s house after the first date would be a big fat no. “I don’t think my parents will let me.”  
  
“Oh.” Luhan frowned.  
  
Silence descended over them.  
  
“What are you doing tomorrow?” Minseok asked, hoping to lighten the mood.  
  
“Church and then some gathering thing my mom is dragging me to.”  
  
“Oh.”  
  
More silence.  
  
“If we die can we be buried next to each other?” Luhan asked suddenly, yet again causing Minseok to choke on his coffee.  
  
“We aren’t going to die!” he protested.  
  
“Right,” Luhan said dryly.  
  
Minseok missed how they were earlier in the day, shy smiles and hand holding and ….what had happened to that? Now it was awkward and uncomfortable and he couldn’t help but feel like he was both upsetting and disappointing Luhan with everything he said.  
  
“I love you,” Minseok blurted out. It was the first time he had ever told someone other than his family that and it felt strange, honestly he wasn’t sure that it was true but it felt like the right thing to say.  
  
Luhan smiled. “I love you too.”  
  
“Tell me about your favorite football team.”  
  
Minseok listened as Luhan rambled on happily about Manchester United, finding a measure of satisfaction in his ability to turn the conversation back to something lighthearted and fun.  
  
He like spending time with Luhan, he was thrilled they had connected, that they liked each other – but everything had happened so fast. He was still unsure what to do, how to act – especially when Luhan was talking about a shared death sentence.

  
When they finally went home, saying goodbye in the hallway outside of their apartments, Minseok felt a pang of sadness but mostly a feeling of relief. He needed more time to think, to digest, to understand.

***

  
  
On Sunday night they met at a park near their apartment building. Luhan sat on the swings and Minseok stood in front of him, their lips pressed together far more times than not. Luhan taught Minseok how to kiss, tongue and all. Minseok wondered how he was so good at it but didn’t dare ask, because deep down he didn’t want to know who else Luhan had kissed in his short life.  
  
He had spent the day trying to come to terms with everything that had happened – by dinnertime Minseok missed Luhan and knew he was in deep.  
  
“I’m going to tell my friends about us tomorrow,” Minseok announced while they walked back to the apartments, hand in hand.  
  
“Jongdae and Baekhyun, right?”  
  
“Yeah. They’ll know something happened right away, there is no way I can hide it.” Minseok expected to be bombarded by the two the moment he walked into school. Having ignored several of their texts over the last two days certainly set off their suspicions, but he needed time to think.  
  
“I missed you today,” Luhan said quietly.  
  
“Me too.” Once again Minseok wondered just how they could deepen what they already felt, it was already overwhelming.  
  
“Do you have time to do step three tomorrow?” Luhan asked, swinging their joined hands as they walked. “I think we should, I mean if we are going public anyway.”  
  
“Yeah. That would be nice.” Minseok didn't admit he had forgotten what step three was, but minor details. He was sure whatever it was it would be okay, if it meant more time with Luhan, mixed up feelings and all, it would be okay.

***

  
  
It was not okay.  
  
Minseok stared down the main hall of the largest building on campus and froze, rooted to the spot, too shocked to move, to talk, to do anything but stare.  
  
The drive over had been nice, hand holding, a quick kiss in the parking garage. More butterflies in his stomach, no flowers coughed up, not one mention of impending death. Nice all around.  
  
And then he had walked into school and everything changed.  
  
Every locker. Every wall space that was otherwise unoccupied. Even the fucking garbage cans were plastered with the red leaflets, declaring in bold white lettering _I Love Kim Minseok and He Loves Me_ Wait, had Luhan drawn a stick figure picture of them holding hands and added it to the poster?!  
  
What in the ….  
  
“Surprise! I thought for step three we should go big or go home. It took me most of yesterday and I had to bribe Mr. Lee to let me in on a weekend but it was well worth it. Do you like it?” Luhan asked.  
  
Minseok watched as students tore fliers down to get into their lockers. As students spotted the red posters for the first time and laughed. As they noticed that Luhan and Minseok were standing near the doorway. They were pointing. There were catcalls. And oh my fucking god was that Jisu, the leader of Luhan’s fan club shooting daggers his way?!  
  
Minseok was overcome with embarrassment, with anger. Everyone was looking at him, laughing.  
  
A month ago Minseok was too terrified to even speak to Luhan. Four days ago, he was still a mess when he had to say ten words to him. A day ago he was saying sappy shit to him while they kissed at a playground. And now, now he was yelling at him for all the school to hear.  
  
“What in the hell?! What were you thinking?” Minseok screamed, incredulous.  
  
Luhan took a step back. “Y-you don’t like them?”  
  
“This is so embarrassing.” Minseok gritted his teeth. “Why would you think this is a good idea? Why would you think that I want our relationship plastered all over school before I’ve even told my parents about us!”  
  
“B-but step three was to declare your love publicly and Minseok we’re going to die if–”  
  
“We’re not going to die god damnit!” Minseok walked over and tore a poster from the wall, crumpling it up in his fist. “This disease or whatever doesn’t even make sense! None of it makes sense!” He admitted his doubts in a moment of anger and embarrassment.  
  
Luhan steeled himself, his mouth forming a tight line. He broadened his shoulders, standing tall. “You’re right, it doesn't; make sense.” He walked over and tore a poster off the wall, tossing it on the ground. “I have no idea what I was thinking.”  
  
Luhan pushed past Minseok, stalking down the hall without another word.  
  
Minseok watched him go. Ignoring the shocked stares, all eyes on him. He felt his bottom lip quiver, the tears threatening to come. He turned around and ran out of the school, dropping the crumpled poster as he fled.

***

  
  
“What hallucinogen did you give Luhan and how do I get some?”  
  
Minseok lifted his head from the table, far enough to confirm Baekhyun and Jongdae were standing over him before he plopped it down again. “How did you know I was here?”  
  
“Um, you just ran out of school so you were clearly not going home. The only other place you ever go when you are really pissed or upset is this cafe so it was easy to find you.” Jongdae slid in next to him, jostling Minseok, who still refused to look up. Baekhyun slipped into the seat across from him.  
  
“Sounds like you had a wild weekend,” Baekhyun drawled.  
  
Minseok grunted. “Don’t want to talk about it.”  
  
“Fine.” Jongdae called out their order to the barista, a useless task considering the staff at the café were aware what the trio usually ordered.  
  
“Minah broke up with Chanyeol,” Baekhyun informed Minseok. “Now he is listening to Taylor Swift and Demi Lovato on shuffle.”  
  
“Chanyeol’s an idiot,” Minseok murmured, not admitting that he could use some Taylor Swift and Demi Lovato at the moment. His heart hurt, his head hurt...everything hurt. He was mad at Luhan but he was also mad at himself.  
  
“So about that thing we are totally not talking about.” Jongdae started, pausing for a moment like he was waiting for Minseok to hit him. When he didn’t Jongdae continued. “I’m really happy you and Luhan finally connected or whatever it is that made him paint the school red with that horrible drawing. Like seriously I knew that guy had to be bad at something, no one is good at everything. Stick figures like not even good ones. All crooked and weird...”  
  
Baekhyun cleared his throat. “What numb nuts was trying to say is that we are happy for you but not happy because you aren’t happy. Talk to us. We’re your friends. Do you want me to beat him up? I can beat him up.”  
  
Minseok sighed. He raised his head up in resignation. He needed to talk to someone and the only people he could talk to were his two friends, he knew it. “No, don’t beat him up.”  
  
“Punch him one time then?” Jongdae asked.  
  
Minseok shook his head. “No. I just, everything happened so quickly.”  
  
“Yeah, three days ago you said you didn’t even like him,” Baekhyun reminded him.  
  
Minseok ignored it. “We connected and we realized we both like each other and then –” he hesitated, unable to say aloud the big issue, the issue that had Luhan plastering love declarations all over campus. The potential death sentence, the illness that Minseok was not entirely convinced existed. Yes, he had coughed up flower petals. Yes, that was not normal. Yes, apparently Luhan did too. Why was everything so complicated?! Why was everything so––  
  
Minseok clutched his chest as he wretched, the familiar and dreaded tickling at the back of his throat causing his eyes to go wide. He pushed at Jongdae to move, which he did.  
  
“What is it? What’s going on?” Jongdae yelled after him as Minseok ran for the bathroom.  
  
He made it through the door when he retched out the first flower petal. He stumbled to a stall and slammed it shut when the second one came out, but that wasn’t it. By the time he was done a clump of flower petals rested in his hand, more than he had ever coughed up before.  
  
“It’s getting worse,” he whispered, horrified. Luhan was right, they were dying.  
  
He threw the petals in the garbage, wiped his face off, and hurried out of the cafe - telling his friends he would call them later.  
  
“Dude, we skipped school for you,” Baekhyun yelled after him.  
  
Minseok ignored him. He had to find Luhan, he had to make it right. His life depended on it.

***

  
  
Minseok knew Luhan’s class schedule by heart and yes that was because having a borderline creepy crush on the guy had made him memorize a lot of potentially strange things. Like what Luhan ate for lunch or how many times he dribbled the football during warm ups. He knew that at that time he would be in fourth period biology with his lab partner Doojoon, the striker on the football team.  
  
Minseok had never skipped school and he most certainly had never burst into a classroom while skipping his own class to declare his love for his boyfriend. All a bunch of firsts - but time was of the essence. He pushed the classroom door open and without glancing at the teacher (he was still nervous he would chicken out, okay) he ran up to Luhan and announced loud enough for the entire class to hear “I love you and I’m sorry.”  
  
Luhan’s mouth hung open as he stared up at Minseok, clearly surprised. Beside him Doojoon looked confused and perhaps a little disgusted by the whole thing. And then Luhan looked down, towards his desk.  
  
Minseok hadn’t noticed the dead frog sitting in front of Luhan until it was too late. He glanced down, following Luhan’s gaze. Dead. Frog. Minseok threw up when he saw dead bugs. Dead. Frog.  
  
Minseok covered his mouth and gagged, turning away from the dead animal. It didn’t help, there were dead frogs on every desk, students had been dissecting them. Minseok had opted out of that class for that reason, getting his science credits elsewhere. Now he was in a sea of dead frogs, innocent little tadpoles ending up on the desk of people who stuck gum under tables and considered actual balloon animals the height of modern art.  
  
Minseok ran from the room, hand over his mouth as his stomach convulsed. It was the first time he had skipped school, the first time he had interrupted a class, and the first time he projectile vomited all over a poster Luhan made to declare his love, turning the red flier an ugly shade of brown.

***

  
  
“Are you feeling any better?” Luhan asked, handing a bottle of water to his boyfriend.  
  
Minseok nodded. His nausea was gone just in time for his embarrassment to set in. They were at lunch, sitting outside on one of the benches despite the chill in the air.  
  
A few seconds after Minseok threw up, Luhan was there, guiding him towards the nearest restroom. They made up through tears and a brief hug, Minseok pushing him away because “my breath is probably horrible”.  
  
They had already been called to the principal's office and received their punishment – cleaning every flier off the school grounds plus a month of detention. Minseok knew that meant his parents had been called and he would have a lot of explaining to do when he got home later, but for now he was just focused on getting through the day.  
  
The realization that he was dying had hit him like a ton of bricks, he was no longer skeptical. Now he needed to do whatever he could to save himself and to save Luhan, detention, dead frogs, and pissed off parents be damned.  
  
“What was step four?” Minseok asked. “We should do it as soon as possible. Tomorrow.”  
  
“Put the row back in romance,” Luhan recited. “Minseok,” he said softly, taking Minseok’s hand in his own. “I thought about it and I think the steps aren’t for us. I mean we fought because of it. I think we need to do something more drastic. Something not suggested by Cosmo.”  
  
“Like what?” Minseok asked, adding, “I’ll do anything to save us. Anything.”  
  
“Shit.” Luhan swore the moment he looked towards the commons area. Minseok followed his gaze, spotting Jisu stalking towards them, a small gathering of students behind her. Just what he needed, a run in with the Luhan fan club.  
  
Minseok braced himself for the onslaught. Jisu was too close to run away from plus fleeing would only delay the inevitable. He needed to face the wrath of Luhan’s fans. He needed to be sworn at, to hear the terrible things they would say, to –  
  
“Kim Minseok. “Jisu stood in front of him, hands on her hips. “We hereby pledge ourselves to be your fans, through thick and thin.”  
  
“Wait, what?” Minseok blinked in confusion.  
  
Jisu glanced at Luhan, a look of disgust passing over her. When she turned back to Minseok her starry-eyed look returned. “We thought it was really cool how you stood up for what you believe in this morning. And how you burst into the biology lab.”  
  
“So handsome,” someone in the group called out.  
  
“Even if you must put up with someone like that,” Jisu nodded towards Luhan. “We are still your fans.”  
  
Luhan’s fan club had jumped ship…for him?! What in the….  
  
“What about me?” Luhan asked, pouting.  
  
“What about you?” Jisu replied.  
  
“I thought…” Luhan trailed off.  
  
“You embarrassed Minseok.” Jisu said pointedly. “And you plastered your poster over our recruitment flier. There is nothing more to talk about unless you want to join the Minseok fan club.”  
  
“I don’t need a fan club, really.” Minseok waved his hands in front of him frantically, the shock of it wearing off.  
  
“Of course you do. We all need fans,” Jisu smiled at him. She gave Luhan one more dirty look before turning heel and stalking away, her posse following her.  
  
“I can’t believe you stole my fan club,” Luhan muttered once they were gone.  
  
“Yeah.” Minseok had to agree, it was downright bizarre. But then again, what wasn’t downright bizarre of late….

***

  
  
They parted with a kiss that probably went on a little too long considering they were both already in deep shit and standing in the hallway outside their respective apartments.  
  
“Text me,” Luhan husked, pecking Minseok on the cheek.  
  
“I will,” Minseok promised, dreading what was to come.  
  
He punched in the door code slowly, terrified. He had never been in serious trouble with his parents because he didn’t do much to be scolded for. Sure, they had the typical parental / teenager arguments but nothing like what he thought he was about to face.  
  
He walked into the apartment at a snail’s pace, toeing off his shoes while listening for movement, trying to discern where everyone was. He was three hours later than normal thanks to cleaning up the school (which wasn’t entirely done) plus detention. Dinner was probably already done and eaten. His father would already be home.  
  
He crept along the hall and to the living room, his heart rate increasing with every step. Why was he so afraid of being yelled at when he might drop dead soon?  
  
“I never thought I would see the day.”  
  
Minseok stilled, glancing towards the living room. He felt the blood drain from his face. His parents were sitting on the sofa, unreadable expressions on their face. He immediately bowed, bending ninety degrees and begging forgiveness. His pleas were met with...laughter.  
  
“Congrats son. Didn’t think you had it in you,” his father stood up and walked over, clapping Minseok on the back.  
  
“Luhan is such a good catch. I am so happy for you,” his mother crooned.  
  
“Y-you, wait what?” Minseok was dumbfounded.  
  
“I mean you’re still in deep shit for skipping school but man, to think he plastered the halls like that.” His mother chuckled, slapping at his father’s arm. “Remember that time you announced over the loudspeaker that–”  
  
“Don’t remind me. So embarrassing,” his father interrupted, his face reddening at the memory.  
  
Minseok watched, completely unsure of what to do, what to say.  
  
“We figured since you spent Saturday hanging out with him something was going on. Your father kept saying a boy like Luhan probably wouldn’t date someone like you so we weren’t entirely confident even if I swore you’re a good catch.” His mother winked at him.  
  
“Mom! Dad!” He shut his eyes, cringing.  
  
“Your sister is heartbroken, by the way,” his father whispered. “She’s been blasting Taylor Swift all evening.”  
  
Minseok listened. Sure, enough he could hear faint music coming from the direction of his sister’s room. How grand, he sarcastically mused.  
  
“You’ll be grounded for a month and that means no seeing that boyfriend of yours, but I’m sure being neighbors and classmates you guys will figure something out.” His mother winked again. Was she advocating sneaking out?  
  
“I need to do homework,” Minseok made a beeline for his room.  
  
“Honey, I made you a juice drink with your dinner, it is on the counter. Don’t forget to eat,” his mother called after him.  
  
Minseok ignored the offered food and rushed to his room, closing the door and leaning against it.  
  
“I’m not joining your fan club!” he heard his sister scream from her bedroom.  
  
He was dying. His parents were thrilled he was dating Luhan. HIs sister was pissed he was dating her crush. He had his own fan club. He had projectile vomited on the first public love confession he had ever received. Fuck, why was being a teenager so damn complicated?!

***

  
  
“Hey,” Luhan greeted him with the usual dose of affection the next morning, except the usual was a tad bit more intense of late. He set his traveler’s mug of Red Bull and coffee down and pulled Minseok into a hug, planting a kiss on the crown of his head.  
  
“Hey,” Minseok said, his words spoken into Luhan’s school jacket.  
  
“I’m grounded,” Luhan announced.  
  
“Me too,” Minseok said as he broke the hug, stepping away. “But it’s worth it.”  
  
“Yes, it is. And we can find a way around it, I’m sure.” Luhan flashed a cheeky smile, his arm going to the small of Minseok's back as they walked down the hall.  
  
Minseok wondered if his butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling would ever leave him but then it occurred to him it would – of course it would – if he died. He silently prayed he wouldn’t cough up anymore petals, that he had been cured.  
  
“I dreamed we were having a threesome with Cristiano Ronaldo.”  
  
Minseok stopped short. “What?!”  
  
Luhan shrugged, his brown bangs falling in his face. He pushed them away, still grinning. “You were really good. Even Cristiano was impressed.”  
  
Minseok flushed. “You’re so weird.”  
  
“But you like me,” Luhan cooed, grabbing Minseok’s hand.  
  
“Yeah. I do,” Minseok admitted. He liked Luhan a lot. Hopefully enough to save both of their lives.

***

  
  
“Okay this seems like a terrible idea but whatever.” Baekhyun set his tray down next to Minseok, eyes trained on the row of football players sitting across from them.  
  
“Be nice,” Minseok hissed under his breath.  
  
Luhan had been the one to suggest they bring their friends together. “A couple who socializes together can appreciate more about their partner. Or that one site said so. Maybe we should try it?”  
  
Minseok couldn’t say no when Luhan gave him the omg-we-are-going-to-die-please-do-this look.  
  
“So…kick any balls lately?” Jongdae asked loudly, taking the seat on the other side of Minseok.  
  
Minho, the forward center of the team and Luhan’s best friend, narrowed his eyes at the newcomers. “Why, you want to play with some balls?”  
  
Jongdae sputtered, earning a loud guffaw from Minho. Luhan fidgeted in his seat, sandwiched between Minho and Doojon, directly across from Minseok.  
  
“Minho, Doojoon this is Baekhyun and Jongdae,” Luhan gave the introductions. “And you know Minseok, my boyfriend.”  
  
“Hi.” Minseok waved at the two men. He had barely ever spoken to them before, so what Luhan was saying was a stretch.  
  
“Hey,” Doojoon uttered, going back to his heap of mashed potatoes.  
  
Minseok felt awkward, he wasn’t sure what to say. He looked to Baekhyun, who never seemed to have that problem. Baekhyun looked back and shrugged, diving into his own plate of cafeteria food.  
  
“So, Baekhyun. Jongdae, what do you like to do for fun?” Luhan asked, trying to start some kind of conversation.  
  
“Oh, you know. Hang out. Get coffee. Talk shit about people,” Baekhyun rambled. “How about you guys?”  
  
“Well we like to play football. Basketball. Watch them of course.” Minho got starry eyed talking about sports.  
  
“What about non-ball things?” Jongdae asked, recovering from his earlier snapback from Minho.  
  
“We play hockey sometimes,” Minho offered.  
  
Jongdae flashed a thumbs up. “That’s more like it.”  
  
Minseok looked at Luhan, their eyes meeting. They shared a look of discomfort. Bringing their friends together was not going as planned, not even a little bit.  
  
“So have you guys ever given head?” Baekhyun suddenly asked. “Have any tips.”  
  
“Baekhyun!” Minseok screeched, pinching his friend’s side.  
  
“Yeah, I have,” Doojoon admitted.  
  
Suddenly all eyes were on the tall football player. Minseok was shocked, he didn’t know Doojoon was into guys.  
  
“You have tips, spill them,” Doojoon ordered.  
  
Minseok knew Baekhyun had exactly zero tips to give since the closest he had ever gotten to a dick was when he touched his own or ogled Kyungsoo’s across the showers after gym. He waited, wondering what Baekhyun would say.  
  
“You first,” Baekhyun countered.  
  
Minseok sat back, mouth slightly open in surprise as Doojoon recounted giving good head in a low voice. It was not the type of conversation he thought they would have over lunch but it was the only one that seemed to bring the two groups together. It was exceedingly bizarre.

***

  
  
Minseok received the urgent text message in the middle of afternoon study hall. He had to stop himself from running down the halls to reach Luhan, settling on a half-jog. When he arrived at the second floor bathroom he could hear Luhan crying softly.  
  
“Let me see,” Minseok demanded.  
  
Luhan held a fistful of petals. “It’s getting worse,” he whispered, tears streaming down his cheeks.  
  
Minseok cupped his faced, wiping away the tears with the pads of his thumbs.  
  
“What do we do?” he whispered.  
  
“I don’t know,” Luhan said sadly.

***

  
  
Minseok walked out of his last class in a daze. He hadn’t been able to concentrate since the incident with Luhan – death was on his mind. When he spotted Luhan waiting for him at the end of the hall he couldn’t even muster a smile.  
  
“I have an idea,” was the first thing Luhan said. He grabbed Minseok’s arm and guided him towards a deserted side hall.  
  
“What?” Minseok asked, hoping it would be the one thing to cure them.  
  
Luhan bit his bottom lip, his eyes flashing worry. “I don’t want to ask this, not like this any way. But the only thing that could get us closer, the thing that we haven’t done…”  
  
“Yeah?” Minseok waited while Luhan looked down. “What is it?”  
  
“Sex,” Luhan whispered, looking embarrassed.  
  
“S-sex…” Minseok repeated dumbly, apparently too loud for Luhan’s liking. Luhan raised a finger to his lips and shushed him.  
  
“I don’t want our first time to be like this but I don’t’ know what else to do.”  
  
Minseok tensed. He was a virgin but it wasn’t like he wanted to die one. Still he hadn’t exactly been focused on when he would sleep with Luhan, he was too busy bemoaning his short life and hoping his death was painless. “I’ve never-“  
  
“Neither have I,” Luhan freely admitted.  
  
“You haven't?!” The news surprised Minseok. For some reason he had just assumed Luhan had slept with someone before.  
  
“No. But I’ve watched a lot of videos,” Luhan offered, looking shy.  
  
Minseok briefly weighed the consequences. Of course he liked Luhan, he loved him. He wanted to live, he wanted both of them to live. So what if it was rushed, if the alternative was dying he couldn’t get naked and sleep with Luhan fast enough. “Where should we...we can’t while our parents are home.”  
  
“My mom will be gone this evening.”  
  
Oh, well that settled that. “We need supplies-”  
  
“Already bought them.” Luhan colored, adding. “I snuck out during last study hall in case you said yes.”  
  
Minseok swallowed. “Okay. Then okay.”  
  
Luhan smiled. He grabbed for Minseok’s hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “I’m sorry it’s like this.”  
  
“No, it’s fine.” Minseok offered his own weak smile.  
  
The moment was interrupted by Minseok’s phone buzzing in his backpack. He pulled his hand from Luhan’s, apologizing as he fished his phone out.  
  
_On your way home stop by the health food store, I have an order that just came in. Look at me, buying you extra time to spend with your ride home ;)_  
  
It was from his mother. Minseok rolled his eyes.  
  
“What is it?” Luhan asked.  
  
“We need to run a quick errand for my mom, sorry.” Minseok slipped his phone into his pocket, sighing.

***

  
  
“I’ll tell her we are going to do homework,” Minseok whispered as they approached the apartment door. They had spent most of the drive to the health food store, from the store to the apartments trying to figure out logistics. Minseok was nervous, anxiety ridden and afraid – about having sex and about his mother stopping him from doing so. Why couldn’t his life be less….stressful and confusing?  
  
Minseok clutched the bundle of who-knows-what that his mother had ordered at the health food store, hugging it to him like it would be a shield against all of his worldly problems.  
  
“Come in with me, my mom really likes you. If you’re there she will probably say yes,” Minseok begged. Luhan gave in easily.  
  
Minseok punched in the door code and jostled around the package to open the door. He didn't bother taking his shoes off, hoping that he would only be home for a few minutes.  
  
“Mom!” Minseok called, heading into the kitchen.  
  
“Did you get -- oh, hello Luhan.” Minseok’s mother beamed at his boyfriend. “You look very nice today.”  
  
Minseok rolled his eyes. He handed over the wrapped package.  
  
“Luhan and I have the same lit assignment and it would be really helpful if we could work on it together.” Minseok flinched involuntarily after saying the words. Thankfully his mother had her back turned to him, she was busy unloading her purchase on the counter.  
  
“Luhan, your mother isn’t home, is she?”  
  
Minseok wanted to groan. How damn perceptive of her.  
  
“No, she isn’t,” Luhan admitted.  
  
Minseok saw how his boyfriend shifted on his feet. He had never seen him so nervous.  
  
“What is the assignment?” Minseok’s mother asked, setting down several containers.  
  
“We have to analyze the second half of ––” Minseok’s words were cut short when one of the containers teetered on the edge of the counter, pushed when his mother set a large bag of strawberries down.  
  
Luhan and Minseok both reacted quickly to catch the package, darting forward and smacking into each other in an effort to grab the fallen goods. Luhan fell backwards, landing on his ass, while Minseok managed to snag a corner of the package.  
  
Minseok’s mother stepped back, nearly avoiding being involved in the collision.  
  
Minseok landed on his hands and knees, the torn package in front of him. He was about to push himself up when he stopped, shocked at what had fallen out of the package.  
  
“What are these?!” Minseok snagged the flower petals and leaned back on his knees, looking up at his mother.  
  
Petals. A package full of petals, all the same color, the same size, the same damn texture as the stuff he and Luhan had been coughing up for the last couple weeks. He couldn’t believe it.  
  
“Viola petals. I’ve been adding them to my juices for the last couple weeks. They are good for the bones, good for the eyes…” His mother paused. “Now that I think about it. Luhan, could you ask your mother how she likes them? I gave her a new juicer recipe when I met her the day you moved in. They can be fickle as an ingredient, a certain bit of the population is highly allergic and can't digest them. I told her to be careful but I figure since she hasn’t said anything everything was fine. “  
  
“You did?” Luhan sounded as confused as Minseok felt.  
  
Minseok held the petal between his forefinger and his thumb. “Highly allergic.”  
  
“Yes, dear. That is what I said,” his mother sing-songed.  
  
Minseok snorted, the irony of it all piling up. It was the _fucking juicer_. He had thought he was dying because of his mother’s juicer recipes.  
  
“What is that?!” The suddenly shrill voice of his mother tore Minseok from his disbelief, his eyes going to two objects lying on the floor next to where Luhan fell.  
  
_Condoms and a tiny bottle of lube._  
  
Luhan scrambled, grabbing the items and shoving them in his coat. “I have to go, um, homework. Bye!” He stood up and dashed for the door, leaving Minseok to deal with his mother.  
  
“You’re grounded for two months and don't even think about trying to sneak out.”  
  
Minseok had thought he was doomed, but it turned out he wasn’t. At least not the way he had thought. He was still doomed, but at least now he wasn’t going to die.

***

  
  
Minseok stared at the ceiling, the same drab white that had been looking back at him since they moved to the apartment ten years before. He was sprawled on his bed, feeling unusually relieved and deeply troubled at the same time. Next to him his phone buzzed periodically, all messages from Luhan. Messages he hadn’t read yet.  
  
“I’m going to live,” he whispered, thrilled.  
  
“My mom knows I was going to have sex,” he bemoaned a second later, frowning.  
  
He flipped over on his stomach and grabbed his phone, sliding the lock screen. He scrolled through the messages.  
  
_Minseok, I love you. I had no idea. Believe me ;.;  
  
OMG we are going to live!!!! :))))))  
  
I really thought it was a med. book. I can’t read Japanese that well. I’m sorry OTL  
  
Please don’t hate me  
  
I love you_  
  
Minseok pushed the phone icon, not sure what he was going to say but knowing he needed to talk to Luhan.  
  
“Hello! Minseok? Please I love you, I am so sorry. I had no idea I didn’t–“  
  
“Luhan.” Minseok swallowed, weighing what to do, what to say.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“I like you a lot. I’m happy we’re going to live and I’m not mad but I think we should take a break and figure things out. Stuff happened so fast…” Minseok felt the tears prick the corners of his eyes as he said the words. Where they came from he wasn’t sure. Maybe they were things he wanted to say all along but couldn’t because of the circumstances. Maybe it was what he needed to say but couldn’t.  
  
“What? Break up?”  
  
“No. No, not break up, just…start over. Slower this time.”  
  
There was dead silence on the other end of the line.  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“Okay. I’ll see you in the morning.” Minseok wiped away a stray tear.  
  
“Yeah. Goodnight, Minseok.”  
  
“Goodnight, Luhan.” Minseok cradled the phone to his ear long after Luhan hung up, hoping he had done the right thing.

***

  
  
“I assume this is still okay,” Luhan greeted wearily the next morning, cup of Red Bull and coffee in hand. He was leaning against the wall between the two apartment doors, dark bags under his eyes indicating his lack of sleep.  
  
Minseok nodded. “Yeah, this is okay.”  
  
The atmosphere was so different, completely changed from twenty four hours before. Gone were the hugs and the kisses, the sweet words and the hand holding. They walked to the elevator like two school friends, not even the brush of hands to indicate they were anything more.  
  
“How are you?” Luhan asked as they stepped onto the elevator.  
  
“Good. You?” It was strange, how formal they suddenly seemed.  
  
“Meh,” Luhan shrugged and took a big swig of his caffeinated concoction.  
  
The ride to school was only marginally better and that was because of TVXQ. They parted ways without a sappy goodbye, escaping the awkward atmosphere with a nod of goodbye.

***

  
  
“Are you sick?” Jongdae narrowed his eyes at his friend, leaning across the table and looking him up and down.  
  
“No,” Minseok answered, looking away, squirming to avoid Jongdae’s gaze. He wasn’t sick, but he had turned down a ride home from Luhan in favor of hanging out with his friends– even if he was technically grounded (he had already thought up a bullshit after school study group excuse). He wasn’t sick but he had inflicted a deep frown on Luhan’s face at the request –– clearly hurting his ~~boyfriend~~ err, whatever they were now.  
  
“Dude, he wasn’t lying, he gives awesome head.” Baekhyun slipped into the booth at the corner coffee shop, a shit eating grin plastered on his face, unbothered that he was interrupting Jongdae’s mini-interrogation of Minseok.  
  
“What?” Jongdae and Minseok asked in unison, one man actually curious, the other happy for the distraction.  
  
“Doojoon.” Baekhyun grinned, moving his head back and forth. “A+ stuff.”  
  
“No way,” Jongdae snorted. “When?”  
  
“Fifth period, in his car,” Baekhyun answered, not missing a beat.  
  
“Damn,” Jongdae whistled. “Wait does that mean I’m the last of us to–“ He shook his head in disbelief.  
  
Minseok wasn’t in the mood to comfort Jongdae by confirming he was also a virgin.  
  
“Fraid so. Sucks to be you,” Baekhyun teased.  
  
The barista appeared with Minseok and Jongdae’s coffees, giving Baekhyun a curious look. She had clearly overheard him, but Baekhyun remained unphased.  
  
“So what’s the deal, why are you here and not with your lover boy?” Baekhyun asked Minseok.  
  
It was a fair enough question. “What, I can’t hang out with my best friends?”  
  
Jongdae and Baekhyun shared a knowing look. “Righhhhht.”  
  
“Seriously do you need me to punch him? I’ll punch him.” Baekhyun put his fists up.  
  
“Guys, can we talk about something else,” Minseok said quietly.  
  
“Sure. I joined the Kim Minseok fan club today,” Jongdae blurted out, accompanied with a cheeky grin.  
  
Minseok groaned. Okay, so maybe something else wasn’t that much better.

***

  
  
“How’s your boyfriend?” Minseok’s father asked over dinner that night.  
  
Minseok stilled. “Fine.” He knew his little sister was glaring at him from across the table. She had barely spoken three words to him since she found out he was going out with Luhan. He briefly wondered if she would be happy about their break.  
  
Luhan hadn’t texted him all evening. Hadn’t sent him a sappy message the second they parted. And honestly he was okay with that, relieved even. He wanted some distance, he needed some distance. Everything between them had happened at the speed of light, born of desperation, hormones, and a fake Japanese disease tied to a horrendous juicer recipe. It was only right they took a break and sorted through everything.  
  
Minseok just hoped Luhan would wait, that he wouldn't lose interest – that even if Minseok hesitated for a day or a week he wouldn’t leave.  
  
“I have homework to catch up on.” Minseok pushed his bowl away and stood, retreating to his bedroom and the turmoil of his own thoughts.

***

  
  
Minseok knew that he was getting just as many stares for _not_ getting rides from Luhan as he did the day he stepped out of Luhan’s black Mercedes for the world to see. Everyone was curious what had happened to cool off the most talked about romance of the school year and without answers the gossip grew with each passing hour. Minseok heard the whispers and took refuge in his old hiding spot, the library.  
  
He lost his focus somewhere between shelving the eight fifty ones and eight fifty twos, nearly dropping The Cambridge Guide to Italian Literature on his foot, his mind completely engrossed in his current relationship status or lack thereof.  
  
Luhan had been courteous when Minseok turned down any further rides. Minseok knew he was upset but he didn’t argue, he didn’t say anything harsh or tell Minseok it was over. His eyes betrayed his sadness but he was composed, gentle even.  
  
_I just need space. We both need space.  
  
We need to be sure, we need to know what got us together was honest and not rushed. We need to …._  
  
“Are you feeling well? Do you have a fever?! Please, you can’t be sick.”  
  
Minseok looked to his left, surprised to see Jisu and Jongdae standing in the aisle staring at him. Jisu looked genuinely worried while Jongdae wore a fake smile.  
  
“What?” Minseok blinked at the pair. Since when had Jongdae started hanging out with Jisu? Oh right, he had joined Minseok’s fan club.  
  
“You seem sad. Was it Luhan? We will fight for you, forever!” Jisu raised her fist up.  
  
Behind Jisu, Jongdae mouthed “Isn’t she cute.”  
  
Minseok closed his eyes and counted to ten. Great. Jongdae was trying to hook up with his fan club president. Baekhyun was getting blow jobs from Luhan’s best friend. Meanwhile he was in the midst of a separation from his boyfriend caused by a fucking juicer recipe.  
  
“I’m fine,” Minseok hoped he sounded reassuring.  
  
Jisu tilted her head to the side, looking Minseok up and down. “You don’t seem fine.”  
  
“Maybe not, but I am,” Minseok reiterated.  
  
“See, he’s great. Good. Wonderful. Hey, do you want to go grab a coffee,” Jongdae rambled, revealing his ulterior motives. Minseok knew if Jongdae was worried he wouldn’t corner him in a library, so he figured something had to be going on.  
  
Jisu eyed him wearily. “Coffee?’  
  
“I’ll buy,” Jongdae offered.  
  
“Deal.”  
  
Minseok watched his best friend and his fan club president scurrying down the aisle, past the beginning of the nine hundreds, off to what would potentially be their first date. Suddenly he felt so very alone.

***

  
  
“How are you?” Luhan caught up with him at lunch. Minseok was the only one sitting at his usual table – Baekhyun and Jongdae yet to arrive, giving them a moment of privacy.  
  
“Good. You?” Minseok thought Luhan looked tired. Hell, he was tired – sleep seemed to be his number one enemy of late.  
  
“Okay.” Luhan offered a weak smile. “Take care, Minseok.”  
  
Minseok nodded. He watched Luhan walk out of the cafeteria, passed the table where the football players sat. He wasn’t eating lunch. Minseok felt a sense of guilt, he knew he was responsible for Luhan’s sour mood.  
  
He wondered if a time would come when he could reconcile everything in his mind. A time when he would accept their relationship for what it was and what it wasn’t. Or would they drift apart before that moment could ever occur? Minseok didn’t have the answer.

***

  
  
“I never knew football could be so interesting.” Baekhyun sat in the stands, his tongue peeking out of his lips, his eyes never leaving Doojoon.  
  
Minseok sat to his left, bundled in an oversized sweater, his eyes not trained on one player in particular. He had reluctantly agreed to go to the game, partially because it was his first time seeing Luhan play since they had started dating and partially because it was the first time his mother had given him permission to go out with his friends. He had been grounded for almost a month but it felt like much longer.  
  
“You look mopey. Go do something, but don’t you dare end up having sex with Luhan!” his mother had ordered. Minseok had turned three shades of red before thanking her for letting him get out of the house.  
  
It was weird being at a game without Jongdae. Minseok missed his colorful commentary and embarrassing cheers. But Jongdae was busy, hanging out with Jisu, doing god knows what –– the pair had become inseparable of late. It was the same with Doojoon and Baekhyun, the two were hanging out more often than not. Minseok considered how alone he would be once he was no longer grounded, frowning at the thought.  
  
Minseok checked the time on his phone. It was already the second half and Luhan had yet to appear on the field. It was strange, usually he was the first in, the team needed his strong skills. He was vitally important to their season, the team’s center midfielder, their captain.  
  
The last time Minseok glanced at the bench Luhan wasn’t even wearing his shin guards. Now when he looked Luhan was gone altogether, the spot he had been sitting in was empty.  
  
Minseok’s finger hovered over the text button. Why had Luhan left? Had Minseok made it that bad by asking for a break? He sucked in his bottom lip, overcome with guilt and sorrow. A minute later he put his phone away, keeping his distance from the absent football player. It felt like there was no going back now, the damage was too deep. He had ruined the best thing that had ever happened to him.

***

  
  
Minseok was back in the library the next day, shelving books and avoiding study hall. The elderly librarian lit up at his arrival. “Some kid checked out half the library and returned them all. “ She clucked her tongue, annoyed.  
  
Minseok found the cart overflowing, the books out of order. He was happy to see such a heavy load, it would keep him busy, keep him from thinking about things.  
  
Minseok traced the spines of the books with the pads of his fingers, glancing over the titles, formulating a plan of attack. “I’ll shelve the nonfiction first,” he announced to the librarian, earning a nod of approval.  
  
He grabbed the first one hundred series book he spotted, _Falling in Love: the psychology of love_. Minseok fought rolling his eyes as he slid the book into the first position on the cart. He scanned the row and found another one hundred series, _Me Without You_. He snorted.  
  
The next book, following the decimal system, was titled _Hurts_. Minseok narrowed his eyes at the title. Was the entire world against him now?  
  
Minseok pulled the next title out of the jumbled mess of books. _I like you and I love you_. Minseok scowled as he continued to rearrange the books, each title worse than the last.  
  
_The Great Depression_  
  
_The Big Return_  
  
_What I See: Optometry explored_  
  
_Ewes_  
  
_Hot: A summary of global warming_  
  
“Okay what the hell,” Minseok stepped away from the cart, eyes wide, heart thudding in his chest. Was he going crazy? He looked at the librarian, expecting her to admonish his choice of words. Instead of seeing a scowl on her face he found her distracted, her gaze directed across the library. Minseok followed her eyes, unable to believe what he was seeing on the table between fiction and nonfiction.  
  
He blinked once, then twice, rubbing his eyes.  
  
Minseok staggered forward, towards the source of his disbelief. His strides increased as he neared, his eyes trained on where Luhan stood amidst dozens of bouquets of purple violas.  
  
“I love you,” Luhan announced confidently when Minseok was within ten feet. “Kim Minseok, will you go out with me?”  
  
Minseok wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. “Did you do that? With the books?”  
  
Luhan nodded. “I thought you might like that.”  
  
Minseok did laugh at the revelation. Luhan had asked him out via the Dewey decimal system, at least in a roundabout way.  
  
“I’ve missed you,” Luhan admitted, sobering Minseok’s mirth.  
  
Minseok stopped laughing, knowing he needed to make a decision. It had been a month apart, a month without listening to TVXQ, a month without talking about death, chasing Cosmo articles, and projectile vomiting on sappy posters. It had been a month since they had both confessed, thrown headfirst into a life or death romance to rival a knock off version of Romeo and Juliet. A full month.  
  
What had he figured out in a month? That he was lonely. That he missed Luhan. That he had messed things up and regretted it. That he never thought Luhan would give him another chance, never thought he would have to decide to accept or reject the man in front of him.  
  
“I missed you too,” Minseok responded, taking the last few steps forward, wrapping his arms tightly around Luhan’s middle.  
  
He didn’t care that the elderly librarian was watching them. He didn’t care that they were surrounded by the same flower petals that had started a mess for them. All he cared about was that Luhan was hugging him back – Luhan still loved him.  
  
“And yes, I’ll go out with you,” Minseok whispered into the crook of Luhan’s neck, his smile hidden by their embrace. “But ditch the flowers.”  
  
It was Luhan’s turn to laugh, his laughter echoing through the library, only going silent when the librarian had reached her limit.  
  
“Not in the library, children!”  
  
“Yes, ma’am,” they answered in unison, sharing a knowing smile.


End file.
